There's no reason to hate yourself regardless! He's not the king in charge of love. I'm sure you're very lovable.
Iny any event, I also think it's quite possible that he still loves you if he is trying.
Just work on sorting out what is a real complaint and fix it and what is venting. Seems you've made a lot of progress with that already. It takes a long time for either of you to form new habits, but it can happen.
Good luck with the theater. Maybe invite him to be a part of it (parties related to and performances?) and make it all very transparent and that would help.
