I would be interested in hearing what you think of the Geurilla DB video.. please post your comments.. I found it incredibly motivating... you COULD later on show it to your husband... but for NOW watch it with your friend whom will be counselling your H
I'm feeling really down tonight. I've been so focused on trying to get my M back; I have not been taking care of myself. There has been no real GAL for me, it's mostly just been pretending. I'm really mad at the way I have been pursing my H, and feel like a fool. Last week, he wanted to start texting nice things to each other a few times a day. And we did it, but today nothing from him, which just brought me down. I hate that he can have this affect on me. Sometimes I wish I was the WAS!!!!
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
This is why we don't reccomend letting the WS lead... you become dependent on THEM.
I have a better idea. Text YOURSELF three times a day saying something NICE to YOU about YOU.
Think of concrete examples of why you are such a great person and send them to yourself.
Watch that video too.. it should make you feel a WHOLE lot better.
Your husband is acting on MOOD, he's letting his emotions and impulses drive him... don't YOU do that too... you need something more stable than emotion driving you. your commitment to your family is a good start.
You will get through this. Things may look really frustrating right now but later on you will be happy with yourself for going the distance. You will NOT regret maintaining your integrity during this trying time. EVERY home has them in one form or another.. it s a test of your commitment.
This too shall pass and better things will come, I promise you.
Don't be so hard on yourself. This was my "normal" too. Learn from your experience, make a new plan and do your best to carry it out. Fakin it til ya make it.
You will, in your own time, see that you cannot fix or control him. The best you can do is fix or control yourself. No progress can be made in your M as long as he is involved elsewhere. "Stop what isn't working and do something different."
We have all felt foolish at some point. In the tarot, the fool walks blindly down the path of life to his fate without heeding any of the warning signs along the way. Reread your thread again. Lots of great advice. Did you get "not just friends"? Did you watch the video?
Allen BTW... Loved the video!! Very encouraging! Penny's stuff is very good too. She has an ebook too that I found helpful. It was only 16 bucks or so.
mb, all of the advice (even newmama's AoS) basically says to remove yourself from the triangle (thus the chaos), and become the pursued. Each advisor has ideas on how to do that. Read them all and start trying some. You can do it!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
mb, I have observed that many of us "fake" GALing at first and get resentful that we "have" to do it, even. But then something magical happens...we start getting more ideas, we ENJOY it, and somewhere in the process it becomes about US and not them! It is a process, though. GALing has increased my self esteem and is (in turn?) helping me to detach...a little at a time!
So don't stop GALing. And be very very patient....progress is SLOW but the changes are more permanent when you don't rush it, IMO!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thank you everyone, today I feel better. I haven't gotten the book yet or watched the video, but I will by the end of this weekend. Thanks for all the support, I love this board.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I paid the online site to find the OWH cell phone number and got nothing. It's like this guy is a missing person or something. I do think I have found his parents address and a brother's address with home phone numbers. However, no one has been answering their phones at these houses. I do have several family and friends helping me to try to get a phone number or address for this guy. My luck, he is the one person not on any social networking site (-:
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb28 why don't you get a friend of yours to just follow your H. That will evenually lead you to the OW and they can follow HER home after their visit is done.
The Internet is great, but some old fashioned footwork gets the job done too.
