I've been reading, here and elsewhere, your honest assessments of where you failed as a wife, and I've been impressed by your introspection.
As Kalni said, the LBS tend to go through a stage where they do recognize all their faults in the marriage, and want to confess them to their spouse. It feels as though it would be a kind of emotional housecleaning. I remember doing it myself, to some degree, and just want to caution that you'll probably get little or no reaction, and certainly no positive feedback. In fact, I think my H felt that I was being "condescending," as though I were trying to pressure him in some way, whereas I really felt I was acknowledging my part in our M problems and determining to improve.
You can say what you were thinking to him, but make sure you have absolutely no expectations that it will impact him in any way. Keep it brief if you do. I'd suggest, instead, writing a long letter to yourself that you then keep (so that you can refer back to how you felt in this moment of clarity), and then work on changing all of these controlling behaviours.
As we say about the WAS, "actions speak louder than words." Similarly, your H is going to notice and react to changes in your behaviour, when you start treating him as a friend would instead of a mother, and that can only be positive whether you reunite or co-parent. As you act differently, it will affect your relationships with others as well, which will make you feel positive about yourself.
You're doing well--so don't beat yourself up for past behaviours you can now criticize. Just accept that your past experiences caused you to be a person who behaved like that, and be grateful you got the opportunity to grow beyond them.
