So.. the inevitable has happened. My H has had a revolution. Its quite amazing. He had a panic attack and the blood rushing to his head did serious damage or should I say "good"? Two weeks ago, my H came home from work early after calling in the police therapist and having a long two hour session with him. He said we "needed to talk"
By this time I was soooo done. I told him earlier that day that this isn't the life I want. I don't want an H that doesn't love me. I don't want an H that comes and goes as he pleases. I don't want an H that gives absolutely no time to his family. I don't deserve any of that. I finally stuck up for myself. Let the fear go. It was so refreshing to finally do what I want. And say what I want. It felt good to be so liberated, and free. No more eggshells, I couldn't deal anymore. It was bringing me down one step at a time. So I did it. And it changed our life.
We sat down to have "the talk" and he broke down (which has yet to happen in 4 and a half months). He told me that at work today it all of a sudden hit him. That this time he could really lose me. When he left it was on "his" terms. If he wanted to come home he could. He knew I would be there with open arms. So sure, he came home and there I was.
He said this time was different, this time he felt like HE was losing ME. And it scared him to death. It made him realize that that is not what he wants. He wants me and the kids and this family. With help from the therapist he realized that subconsiously he was "pushing the envelope" with me the past few weeks. He was almost waiting for me to fail. Waiting for my changes to fall through and not be "real" changes. He wasn't doing this on purpose, but at the same time..he was. Its hard to explain, but the therapist said he has seen this many times. WAS leaves, only to come back expecting failure. Expecting the the LBS has "faked" the changes that need to be made in order to bring their spouse home again. So when those changes are real, it scares the WAS. Which is what happened to my H.
He realized he treated me like crap that last two months, apologized over and over. He WANTS to go to counseling together as a couple. And on his own as well. He owned up to having his own issues that need to be dealt with. He said he needs the help of a therapist to help him get through this and get us in a good place. He finally admitted that he needs help and can't do this on his own. AMEN to that one!
So we have a meeting this friday and the journey begins. I'm more happy than ever. I will take all the help we can get if in 20 years I can look back with him and say, "yes, we had a good 4 month rough spot, but with some help we got our marriage on track and look at us now!"
He told me he loves me and never stopped. As do I.
The last few weeks since this happened have been amazing. He has been the man I married. He spends time with us as a family. He gives me the affection he once did and lost. It feels like our first year of marriage all over again. He is virtually never on his blackberry anymore. Which is amazing. He focuses on me all the time. No more texting each other. We "talk" now. I owe it to myself to give this a try. I did not go through 4 months of hell to throw it all away. So we'll see how it goes...
Just wanted to catch everyone who stood by me through this. Too many to name. I appreciate every single one of you. I know I've been MIA the last few weeks, but I've been busy with my "new" marriage. I will now be going over to the "piecing" thread as I feel I'm there now.
Thanks everybody again. Keep on keepin' on...
Britt
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
