By this time I was soooo done. I told him earlier that day that this isn't the life I want. I don't want an H that doesn't love me. I don't want an H that comes and goes as he pleases. I don't want an H that gives absolutely no time to his family. I don't deserve any of that. I finally stuck up for myself. Let the fear go. It was so refreshing to finally do what I want. And say what I want. It felt good to be so liberated, and free. No more eggshells, I couldn't deal anymore. It was bringing me down one step at a time. So I did it. And it changed our life.
Now you finally understand what I've been trying to tell you for SOOOOO long about "confront your fears".
I'm ECSTATIC Britt.
Originally Posted By: britt54
it all of a sudden hit him. That this time he could really lose me.
Yup... that's why it's called creating the crisis.
Originally Posted By: britt54
When he left it was on "his" terms. If he wanted to come home he could. He knew I would be there with open arms. So sure, he came home and there I was.
And that's why I told you SOOOO long ago... when he wants to come back you don't let him. You make him work for it. You could have shaved off 2 months.... but it doesn't matter now.
Originally Posted By: britt54
He said this time was different, this time he felt like HE was losing ME. And it scared him to death. It made him realize that that is not what he wants.
That's what usually happens when you yank back the power of choice from their hands and take a firm hold of it in your own.
Originally Posted By: britt54
He was almost waiting for me to fail. Waiting for my changes to fall through and not be "real" changes. He wasn't doing this on purpose, but at the same time..he was.
Yes, this is important... and this is why your 180's and GAL is FOR YOU. Britt, you haven't followed any of my advice up to now and that's OK because you weren't ready for it. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... I'M BEGGING YOU...
Don't give up your changes. Make the GAL and 180's PERMANENT. Keep confronting your fears. I hope that this has been a revelation for you. Stand up for yourself.
Originally Posted By: britt54
He realized he treated me like crap that last two months, apologized over and over. He WANTS to go to counseling together as a couple. And on his own as well.
EXCELLENT... and NOW is the opportune time to book yourselves into Retrouvaille.
Originally Posted By: britt54
The last few weeks since this happened have been amazing. He has been the man I married. He spends time with us as a family. He gives me the affection he once did and lost. It feels like our first year of marriage all over again.
That's good news.
Originally Posted By: britt54
He is virtually never on his blackberry anymore.
Because the A is over.
Originally Posted By: britt54
I owe it to myself to give this a try. I did not go through 4 months of hell to throw it all away.
Yes you do! And FYI... it wasn't 4 months of hell... it was for months of finally discovering yourself. Get the right attitude.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Once again Britt, I'm very happy for you. I hope that you stick around in the Newcomer's section and don't forget about the other wives that are here. They will need your help. Sharing with them about confronting their fears could make a world of difference.
smiling all the way.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
So.. the inevitable has happened. My H has had a revolution. Its quite amazing. He had a panic attack and the blood rushing to his head did serious damage or should I say "good"? Two weeks ago, my H came home from work early after calling in the police therapist and having a long two hour session with him. He said we "needed to talk" [...]
You have no idea how happy I am for you that this happened.
And it happened exactly as we thought it would. When he was faced with the real possibility of losing you, he had to stop and think.
I'm looking forward to seeing your new thread over in Piecing. I wish the very best of luck to you and your husband.
(And keep doing IC for yourself! I'm reading Codependant No More and it's a great book.)
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I owe it to myself to give this a try. I did not go through 4 months of hell to throw it all away.
Yes you do! And FYI... it wasn't 4 months of hell... it was for months of finally discovering yourself. Get the right attitude.
huh....Gno... you have given me very important food for thought.... wow... Is it possible to turn this around and be able to see it that way eventually? I would love to get there!
And Britt, I agree that you would do a great job helping newbies!
By this time I was soooo done. I told him earlier that day that this isn't the life I want. I don't want an H that doesn't love me. I don't want an H that comes and goes as he pleases. I don't want an H that gives absolutely no time to his family. I don't deserve any of that. I finally stuck up for myself. Let the fear go. It was so refreshing to finally do what I want. And say what I want. It felt good to be so liberated, and free. No more eggshells, I couldn't deal anymore. It was bringing me down one step at a time. So I did it. And it changed our life.
. . . He told me that at work today it all of a sudden hit him. That this time he could really lose me. . . When he left it was on "his" terms. If he wanted to come home he could. He knew I would be there with open arms. So sure, he came home and there I was.
He said this time was different, this time he felt like HE was losing ME. And it scared him to death. It made him realize that that is not what he wants. He wants me and the kids and this family.
BINGO!!!
Robx, take a bow!
Britt, I am soooooooooooo happy for you! Your faith -- and perseverance -- paid off!
Yes, this is important... and this is why your 180's and GAL is FOR YOU. Britt, you haven't followed any of my advice up to now and that's OK because you weren't ready for it. But PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... I'M BEGGING YOU...
Don't give up your changes. Make the GAL and 180's PERMANENT. Keep confronting your fears. I hope that this has been a revelation for you. Stand up for yourself.
Ditto, Amen and HALLELUJAH. ^ Give that man a ribbon!!
