Oh my goodness, she is definitely putting oyu through the wringer emotionally.
Yes, I agree totally with your boundary.
I think the possibility of an OM is good in a weird way b/c you know that it really is on her end- the demise of the marriage.
As for your 13 son calling another man "dad"... Not a chance in this world! I was a D kid- as a teenager- you usually can't stand the OM or OW. My hubby works with middle schoolers all day long and they complain constantly about the OM, OW, step-parent. Seriously he hears this alot. I think it is rare for there to be bonding once a child is older, IMO.
3 months- ugg! Can you have a count-down calendar, maybe?
Sorry for your personal hell.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Don't have much to offer except hugs. Hang in there. Try not to let your mind go to speculations. Just prepare your mind for her reactions to the D filings so you won't be caught off guard.
Then go to NY and have a fabulous time with your friends!
I had a good night, involved in GAL activity. I had a gig performing tuesday night. It's the night and venue where lots of local musicians come and sit in, so it's a real community type of thing. We all know each other, and there is a lot of camaraderie. I guess some word has spread about my sitch, although I haven't been talking about it. I do suppose some of this is conspicuous: I typically talk about my family all the time and now I don't; I've lost about 30 pounds, and changed my appearance, and I'm not wearing my wedding ring. Normally I wouldn't think anyone would even notice such things, but several people commented on it to me, and inquired how I was doing. I was both embarrassed, and touched that people I pretty much only know through music were concerned.
I had a good time, visited with lots of friends and met a lot of new people. It surprised me when two different women hit on me. One in particular was only in her 20's, and basically asked me out on a date. It was good for my ego, but I'm not interested or ready for anything like that. I'm still legally married, but also in my mind and heart. I got home late, after 1am, and was feeling in pretty good spirits after a night with friends and music.
This morning, while I was taking D17 to school and I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, and the tears just came. We were in the car together, and there was no escaping it. I've put up a good front for the kids, and she hasn't seen me tear up before. Of course she asked "what's wrong daddy!?", and I just told her I was having a sad day, and that it was a natural part of the grieving process. I remembered Gardner's words, and told her I would be ok, she would be ok, and we would always be ok.
I feel bad she saw me upset, and I hope I handled it ok. She hardly needs to be worried about me, although I know she does anyway. I'm hoping this trip to NY will give me some time to get my head together and regain my strength.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Glad you had a terrific time last night and so sorry for the tears in front of D17. It's ok that she knows you're sad about all this. And I think you handled it beautifully.
Deep breaths and just one more day and you'll be on your way to NY.
Then my worst fear comes out: my son calling another man "dad". What ridiculous speculation! I know, there's nothing I can do about this, and I just need to move on and work on myself.
Sorry, I'm a little behind on everyone's sitch from being home with S1 but I know exactly what you mean about your worst fear....as I know you know in my sitch with an obvious OW weaved into my life this is a very real fear for me too. I have to admit that early on in my H's admission I thought about simply "checking out" of this life. (Those thoughts only lasted about 2 days)
Anyway, my point is this, we don't ever know where the road will lead and I absolutely believe in karma. What comes around goes around so IF their is an OM well then let's just wait and see but I'd bet my last dollar that your son will NEVER call anyone dad but you. Dad is so much more than just a place a man holds in a house....it is the everyday love and closeness and bonding that happens everyday with your kids. Believe me I know, I had an incredible dad who I believe is my guardian angel these days.
Just sayin' -JG
M-44 H-44 D9 S1 M-17 T-20 Bomb-8/09 EA/PA/MLC H moved out 2/4/10
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.-Roy Disney
