This is counter-intuitive, but the right thing to do: "I have decided that I will not share my wife with another man. I want all communications with him to stop. I want complete transparency. If you will not agree to this, I will consider all my options including D."
Mike....this is the best advice that you've been given in this thread so far. Go back and read ReadyforChange's first post.
Been there, done that, yada yada. Arriving here now is great. Stop the hemorrhage. Stop the pain. Learn the do's and do not's.
This forum is both pain and delight Mike. You will find great support, love, help and compassion. You will also be lulled into thinking that the longer you wait, a bolt of lightening will come down and one day your W will tell you what a terrible mistakek she made, she loves you and wants to live happily ever after.
NOT.
Although our goal here is to help you save your marriage, we all do not live with you. We can't see your wife...her face. We can't hear her inflections in her voice.
YOU DO!
Having an affair is NOT OK. Living under the same roof while OM is in the picture is NOT OK. DO NOT BE PARALYZED BY FEAR TO DRAW A BOUNDARY. As said above by R2C, it is counterintuitive but shows you to be strong. Think about the opposite....a pervasive thing that happens on this board. What does your wife think of you as you hang around, forgiving her and wanting her back while she is carrying on an affair. Does it show that you are in touch with being a man? I think not.
Stay strong. Keep your head up. You have a great gift now Mike. You have been given the gift of looking inward, looking at yourself analytically and saying I can be better, stronger, faster. Make those changes now. You worked with the tools that you were given as a child. Now, it's time to upgrade to Stanley (or Craftsmen if you prefer).
I strongly recommend the following books to add to your armamentarium: 1) Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S by Levine 2) No more Mr. Nice Guy 3) Venus and Mars Starting Over 4) sign up for the newsletters at making her happy dot com
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
