Back here, for the second time... #69

[awest1217]

He really is trying so look at that. I know that in my sitch with the long time OW, my H has never given me his passwords and right now if I even get on our joint cell account, he would flip. Your H is really trying and although he is draining because of the depression, he is trying to meet the needs you have when he can. What you need to do is take some time for you so you can rejuvenate. Keep inviting him and encouraging him to get some help for himself, but at least he is being transparent to help you. It may not be romantically loving, but the transparency can at least reassure you.

Enjoy the long weekend, and if H will, have him come along. Have some fun together, if he is able to go.

About the above post, it seems to me that OW are always uglier than the W. I know in my case, my H's OW is short and fat. I am not gorgeous, but I take care of myself better than she does. It is always reassuring to see that the OW is UGLY!

[faithisbelieving]

C'mon guys, this thread is for Maria and as far as I can tell..she is choosing to work on this M! This is a divorceBUSTING forum, not a hey-you-should-dump-your-lousy-H forum. So, we respect that choice, right?

It IS for divorcebusting. It is ALSO a place for friends to help friends...to avoid fostering denial when it exists....to help someone recognize unhealthy situations....to point out issues with codependency...and to support others here when they DO choose to end a relationship OR recognize when someone is married to a toxic spouse.

I am NOT here to tell Maria to file or separate or dumpe a 'lousy H'. I also won't blow smoke up her @$$.

Hang tough Maria. I support your choices.

Sagapo.
FIB

[mishka422]

ROTFLMAO! WOW! A man in drag? That's rough.

Funny Ali that your family thought Helen looked like she could be your sister. The broom looks shockingly like me and when Gabe was still in the secret A mode one of our mutual friends saw him with her at a restaurant and approached the table thinking he was with me when they saw her from the back. When they got to the table they realized they had made a mistake but thought nothing of it since they were both in uniform and it was obvious that they worked together. The ashen, freaked out look on his face made no sense to her until she later found out about everything.

Gees! Interesting.

[AliSuddenly]

Well, she looks.. ok, she is tall, blonde, got big b**bs etc etc, but yes, something of the drag act about her!...But nothing like you M. Nothing. Friends told me Helen didnt look like me either, but sort of like me, just not as pretty and not as petite but just.. they said you can tell he has a 'type'. Not so here.

Mish, thats funny!! Ok, well, not funny actually huh.

[smith18]

Timeline? End of Feb 2011. That is the end. A year from now. Dont ask me why, that's it. I'll be 40 on March 3rd 2011.

This is great to have a time line. That will be over 3 years since you came on this board. Maybe you should share the requirements and objective with him. The drawback is he may then decide that he can slack off until that time. Maybe you should come up with some incremental milestones.

I can smell BS from across the ocean. There is something wrong or fishy going on with this guy if he cant complement or find attraction towards you. For someone that has done what he has done, he sure is not doing much to rebuild his marriage. He does throw you the occasional crumb which keeps you hanging on. And arguing in front of the kids is setting a bad example that they may follow themselves.

Has he suggested any family vacations for summer?

What has he done on his own to show you his love and commitment?

Does he talk much of your future together?

[faithisbelieving]

Excellent post Kerry. FIB

[smith18]

A little joke which makes me think of a conversation between Maria and John...

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

[john210]

That is awesome Kerry!!! LOLOLOL

On a more serious note (I am still smiling by the way):

<< It is always reassuring to see that the OW is UGLY!>>

What is this fixation with how the OW looks? Most be a woman thing because i just don't get it. So K's H spent 3 years of his life with a woMAN.....if she looked like Penelope Cruz would it make a difference? If so, how? Please explain.....

[Kalni]

John, you'll never get it!!

Kerry I knew the joke, still VERY funny.

Ok, maybe I am venting too much here cause there are somethings I dont report much about.

Right now, he has NO Problem talking about the future. I am the one that stops him (when I stopped supporting him about the car he wanted to change, he dropped the idea) agreed to get a dog etc etc. I am hesitant.

His LL is AOS and he does that for me. He washes the dishes, cooks, studies with kids on the weekens and lets me sleep, my coffe is ready when I get up, suggests we go out (I have denied a couple of times), wants me to spend time with his dad and sister (I am still not very fond of that), agreed to change the kitchen cabinets if I want to (he pays), buys anything I ask or say I want for the hosue, the kids etc, calls when I am gone and asks if I want something from the supermarket, asks about my dad, has lunches with my familt even when I am gone, suggested I leave town if I need time to feel better, to decompress, when he wants to buy somethig fro himself waits until the weekend so we can do it together etc etc.

It's all the things he wants me to do. AOS

[hoosiermama]

That is awesome Kerry!!! LOLOLOL

On a more serious note (I am still smiling by the way):

<< It is always reassuring to see that the OW is UGLY!>>

What is this fixation with how the OW looks? Most be a woman thing because i just don't get it. So K's H spent 3 years of his life with a woMAN.....if she looked like Penelope Cruz would it make a difference? If so, how? Please explain.....

It IS a chick thing. Beyond that, I can't explain it. When I first saw a picture of the OW in my sitch, the very first thing I thought was, "Why does she have to be so f*cking pretty?" (no they don't always "affair down"--she's younger, prettier, far more wealthy--altho she'll always be morally bankrupt!)