Upside, Maybe the new purchases remind him of what he's done to his family. You mentioned that your daughter had purchased some things for him at Christmas....maybe just seeing the items and knowing that you and your family still love him, creates so much guilt within him that he can't face those new items just yet.
I do think that he's trying to understand himself and I do think that his intentions were good about expressing a desire to return home; but he's paralyzed at this time and still needs a lot of time to himself to come to a final decision as to whether he feels he can come home and make a go of it.
My xh did the same thing, left, came back and purchased a lot of new items, left again and didn't take them with him until I finally packed them up and advised him to come and get them. As far as I know, those boxes and bags fo clothes were never unpacked in his new place. They are reminders to them of who they once were and of those individuals who gave the items to them.
BTW, no you do not want to be in your h's head. If you've ever read about children who have ADHD, their rooms are generally messy, well.....the brains of an mlcer are very messy and are misfiring. Their thoughts are never consistent, their emotions are all over the place and quite frankly, we rational folks would have a difficult time with all of the clutter and mess they are dealing with, not to mention what is going on w/their hearts and souls. So, step back from that wish, for it's not a pleasant one and if granted, you still wouldn't know what they are thinking for they don't know themselves.
Your h is running from his guilt and shame.....he will need to face those two head on before he can finally understand himself. You cannot help him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
