Wow--you've really been through the wringer. I'm so sorry for your situation. You've been through an incredibly difficult time, and your ability to stay sane through it all is a testament to your strength.
I'm new to this site, but I'm not new to the kind of behavior you have described with your H. I've been a teacher for a decade, and I exclusively work with emotional/behavior students and special education. In my experience (and take it for what it's worth), he is cycling through high and low states. I know that it's hard to communicate and cooperate with someone who has emotions that run such a wide range in such a short period of time. An emotional roller coaster is an understatement.
Right now, I believe that my H is experiencing (and has been for some time) some depression (only lows, no highs). I made the mistake of trying to discuss this with him early in our separation. Let's just say that it was not well received at that point. I tell you this because your H may not be ready to hear this or think it about himself IF you believe this is a possibility.
You seem to believe, like I do, that if your H is emotionally/psychologically healthy, then things can and will improve. Do you think this could be so?
Also, I have wondered if my H was waiting for me to take the next step, even though he's the one who left our home. I have made up my mind that I will not be the one who does anything. I know you're exhausted, but think very carefully before you file any paperwork. Have you read the Divorce Remedy book yet? If not, it is a great read with lots of guidance and helpful advice.
I'm very sorry that you've had a difficult time. I lost a parent almost 4 years ago. The pain I felt then rivals the pain of being separated from my H, but I don't know which has been worse. [My situation is explained as "New to separation and needing support" if you want to see it.] Keep taking care of yourself, and try to have a good day today.
