On your Daughter-What are you proving by ordering her around? Demanding that she be at your house? Really sit and think about it. You aren't respecting her position. I know...sounds nuts...she is your daughter and should do what ever you say, But that isn't working bud. So she went to her friends on your night....big deal! Let her go...is the fighting with both your wife and her worth it? Not really...you would be better spending your emotional energy doing stuff with your son.
Think about the situation from the bosses point of few. You have two employees...one being an employee and another one doing an incredible job. You don't punish the getting by employee, you reward the employee who is doing the incredible job. In the end the getting by employee has two choices; 1-Keep just doing the status quo 2-Working harder to reap the benefits Which choice would you make?
Remember growing up and your parents telling you not to play with matches. I am sure, like almost all of us, that you eventually played with matches and burned yourself. From there you didn't play with matches....it is called consequences of decisions. Let her decide to be with her friends.....she will see from your son of the consequences of that decision.
I will even show how I am using it at the moment. I watch my two children and the neighbors two children after school. at the start homework was done right after school by all four very successfully. One day one child had problems with homework, went home and his mom said "just do homework later". So he came back the next day and said "I will just do my homework later" (yeah...right)...soon that turned into none of the children doing homework and grades dropping for all four. Natural consequence of delaying an activity that is not enjoyable whenever you do it. So seeing this I implemented a choice for the children...do your homework right after school and I will reward you with a piece of candy or choose not to do your homework and you won't get any. I am not going to tell them to do their work, they need to buy in and do it themselves. Guess what...homework is now done right after school with no arguments and grades are going up. Of course one day...one child didn't want to do homework and was surprised when I said "fine, that is your choice"....but you should have seen the look on his face when the other children got a piece of candy and he didn't. Consequence of decision!
On your wife-Stop letting her feed the fire. Take the oxygen you represent away and the fire will go out!
