Moving on with my life!

[Reincarnated]

Oh, I forgot about that!

Valentine's - I am celebrating by loving MYSELF this year, along with my family and friends! (It is a FlyLady thing, too). This is your chance to get the gifts and recognition that you always hoped the dope would give you

I am getting flowers for myself and some special women in my life, treating myself to some dark-chocolate covered strawberries, and maybe even taking myself out on a date. I love the idea of baking with the kids, too.

[Startingover2]

For Valentines I have stuff for the kids already and I will probably make cupcakes or something. Older kids will most likely be gone most of it so it will be baby and I.

I have thought about how these 15 minute visits will be for baby later on and I wish there was something I can do about it. I did mention it to attorney before and he said unfortunately its exh's time to do what he wishes so I cannot say much nor should I as it will look bad for him in court later anyway.

Lets see if he shows this afternoon for his scheduled time!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Seriously, have you thought how those 10-15 minute visits are going to start to make baby crazy?

you know, if that is what he always does, your D isn't going to know any better. the bad thing is that she will expect that a dad is a man that comes over once a week for 10 minutes.

you just make sure there is a man or men that are responsible and upright that will give her time and attention and show her how a man SHOULD treat a woman.

[Startingover2]

At 3:45 he sent:

"Are you going to be home in the morning so I can see baby? I am not going to make it today."

I ignored.

Just a few minutes ago:

"HELLO! Something wrong with your phone?"

then...

"What the he** is going on?"

"I finally said..exh, we have plans in the mornings, but you can drop by her music class at 10 if you want."

Exh: Why are you ignoring my texts? and yes they do have to do with baby!

[Reincarnated]

Maybe you will just have to spell out what you are doing.

"X, you seem to be a bit unclear about where things stand. I hope this helps clarify:
According to the court judgement, you have visitation ______. I have asked you to be respectful of my time in letting me know with reasonable notice (day before) if and when you plan to come so I can arrange my schedule and life. This is not to punish you; in fact, this doesn't have anything to do with you. It is about me being in control of my own life. And no, that does not include 'giving baby a kiss' from you when you tell me to.
By the way, have you cared for baby this week by providing the financial support that she needs?"

OK, you might want to edit some of that - for length!

You went above and beyond (again!) in offering him a chance to meet at your MOMMY and me music class. Why did you do that?

You are on the right path - it will be hard at times, but if you stick to it, you will have him giving you the respect that you deserve, even if he doesn't like it.

Stay strong!!

[Startingover2]

I asked because for one, I don't think he will show there.Too many people around. Two, if he did then he just sits there on the sidelines and watches and I also look cooperative for my 'journal'.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

there are good points and bad on that one, inviting him to the baby class, but I think it was definitely not the right time to do it.

and I definitely think you should spell it out as Donna said. otherwise this is going to go on forever.

[bright_new_day]

Is the music class during his time with her? I think you need to send him a copy of the court ordered schedule (again) with the message "please let me know if you will be able to make it to your next scheduled visitation." That needs to be sent every time he sends one of his stupid texts!

[25yearsmlc]

"controlling?"== I guess he means the court is, and that's true b/c it's the law....please...

I liked the suggestion by donna and spelling it out again and not letting him bash you for HIS own UNadult behavior....

The man is a baby. He can't make an appointment and the pathetic requests thru you, to show her HIS love, is a sad joke...I think the 15 min visits won't happen when she's older. Too weird...She'll note it and comment and he won't do it anymore. He'll make more time for her then b/c the others will have moved on. OR not...

how about no more "let's see if he comes this time" waste of your brain cells?....if he's late GO somewhere and enforce the boundary.

OMG when will he get it? He won't. You have to do this.
j-

[Startingover2]

It does seem never ending. I was thinking about all of the intimidating texts that he sends if I don't answer him within seconds. How do I feel when he does those and he is clearly getting mad? I feel super anxious inside. I actually have this picture of us in court and a judge telling me I have to hand my precious baby over to this man for unsupervised visits as he is deemed ok. That terrifies me. I feel like if I give him just enough then maybe he won't push. Please don't bash me for being weak...I am just being honest about my fears. I am explaining what I go through when he does this and how much it takes me to stand up to him. So, I thought if I gave him an option for the class today it would pacify him. I have never really stood up to this man...ever. He has called all of the dysfunctional shots, done horrible things, knowing eventually I will be past it.

So, I am actually going to a movie tomorrow night with my girlfriend! I have no idea what we are seeing, I really don't care. Just happy to be out a bit. D18 is going to watch baby for me.