Rough night last night folks. Went to bed, and as I was praying, a wave of emotion just came pouring out. Probably more grieving the death of the M and the break up of the family. Just stood in the bathroom in the dark and let it all out. Thanks to a towel, very little noise - didn't want W to see me that way or, especially, my kids.
I'm better this morning. Still a little down, but I am trying to get my focus off of stbxw and on things more positive - like my kids and planning my future.
I know that no matter what, I will not feel lonely or be alone. I trust that God has a plan for me, and that plan does not involve me being unhappy. It just seems so far away right now.
Last night, I think a lot of my emotion came from being fatigued from this process and simply missing experiencing closeness with my stbxw - not physically, but emotionally. The lack of intimacy is something that creates an emptiness. I can counteract that to a point, but the fact remains that that part of my life, at least for now, is gone.
