Found out lastnight that my Uncles cancer is stage 3 or 4, he was told that w/ or w/o treatment he has 1 year left.
I broke down, grandparents are about to die, my Uncle, his grandson (2yrs old) has some type of neurological disorder- cannot rollover.
Then there's me.
It's all alot to deal w/, in every situation there is not one thing that can be done but to accept things as they are and live the best you can.
W did not come over last night, she called and I spoke to her about her angry text reg money she owed. She was distant and cold, I was calm and matter of fact. She explained she thought that I had taken her watch- but she ended up finding it. I also mentioned my Uncle's condition- he is perhaps her biggest fan and she likes him best in my family.
She asked if I wanted to talk about it and I said no, but thanks for asking.
I GAL'd by taking my dog on a long walk and then returned to journaling and reading.
I wrote about what I brought to the table vs. what W brought to the table.
Unfortunately- either I am entering the WAS fog, or I am being completely honest- I could hardly think of anything W brought into our R- always distant, quiet, cold, judging, selfish, entitled, frigid, awkward, shy, depressed, and unloving.
Yet another friend of mine has mentioned how he and his W spoke to eachother about my W after we left. They said how dictant cold and un ineterested in other people she seemed. This now makes all of my friends in FL who have said something to that effect.
Some of the reading I did over the weekend suggest that sometimes we pick people to carry out a subconscious mission- in this case, I picked someone whom would inevitably reject me- and that rejection would confirm my sub-counscious core beliefs about myself- that I am unworthy and unlovable.
I don't know how much I believe that, but it could be possible.
Today I know differently- I am worthy of much more than I have been given and continue to get at this moment.
