Thank you so much for being here. And G'Man for sending the cavalry.
Part of 'surviving' the divorce is learning to thrive in life, getting past that veil of denial as shimmering as dew with the tensile strength of the oh so delicate silk thread. A partner leaves because there's been sh!t stewing for quite a while. In a marriage, divorce no one is innocent.. or rather everyone carries part of the responsibility. And many times it comes down to not facing a fear, preferring to look the other way.. in effect being human.
In the past two and half years I have had a serious head injury, a husband zip out being a really weird liar, a movie of the week storyline with the much younger mistress/girlfriend/eventual wife, my personal child molesting who I was able to truly forgive father die, an idiotically expensive divorce lead by my former spouse of 26 years leaving us in financial ruin, put the family home up for sale its proceeds representing my financial future in a market where no one will even look at it, the kids' father going from being there, to being there every week or so for an hour to a meal at the diner on holidays dad. Oh well.. long way of saying that things happen in life.
When he left, there was a void, a loss of energy in the house. When my dad died, there was immense sorrow along with joy of forgiveness which allowed me to actually have a dad.
But now.. with Tiggy's passing.. I'm feeling alone. When I'd have trouble sleeping and go settle in the den to sleep on the couch, she was always there... another set of lungs breathing with a lil tail thump thrown in.
Pets are innocent, without blame.. and Tiggy was always there. Close, caring, demanding, pain in the ass at times (second favorite nickname "Stupid Dog" when she'd foil my garbage defenses and spread her spoils all the way to her dog bed twenty five feet away).
I don't see dogs as having a short life.. but as a very long life. Tiggy was there from Anna's toddling days to almost Sweet Sixteen party, was loved and ignored by kids who counted on Tiggy always being there. "I love my dog, just don't expect me to walk her." Or Tiggy 'going to college' when my oldest had her stay with him rather than at a kennel when I was away.
A huge loss that rips open the wound of unresolved emotional agony.
Ahh.. so many words.
In adopting our rescue dog, Tiggy, I knew she'd be with us up to seventeen years, that it was a long term commitment, that having her as part of the family was not something that would end because of inconvenience, frustration. In effect until her death do us part. Many times she annoyed the living daylights out of me with her ability to ninja poop on the most expensive rugs, ravage the trash and then hold my foot hostage with her body while emanating the stinkiest farts as the spoils spoiled her digestion.
Anyway.. a pet dog lives a lifetime. I knew Tiggy would die right when she did.. taking the kids from being children to growing up, being such an important constant in the unexpected turns of life. Going from being a pet to a member of the family, a constant who always loved you for you. Nothing more or less.
I guess it's like I was able to be whatever I felt like, the emotions in the now and know that there'd never be grudges, just licks, tail wags and hugs.
