My WAW caught at an early stage (I hope)

[narwhal]

On Friday, W went to visit L., an old friend, with whom she talked a lot about our M. issues. She also had a chance to relax, and realize how incredibly stressed she was, and came back in a much better frame of mind.

Oddly, I was disappointment she came back Saturday evening, rather than Sunday afternoon as originally planned. On Friday, with her away, I had my first really good night's sleep in several weeks, and S4 and I had a great day on Saturday. Saturday night, she was much calmer, but my picture of her mental state was still the yelling hypercritical b*tch she'd been on Friday morning. So I was unable to sleep at all Saturday.

Sunday evening we got a babysitter and went out to dinner and to talk. (Had to try three places to find one open, and I think we were the only patrons - most of the world was shut down for the Super Bowl.) We had a nice conversation about various things, over dinner. Then went to a coffee shop and got into a more serious discussion about our M.

Had a very good discussion, which led to a good feeling of connectedness. W admitted that she'd been so stressed out she'd been focusing on all the negatives. Very good talk.

Back home, W raised some other issues, questioning whether I was capable of being the partner she needed, and things started to turn a little negative. I was very tired, so I excused myself to go to sleep. About half an hour later, W came to bed, and she kissed me good night. This was the first time in months that she's kissed me. For the next hour, the tears kept spilling from my eyes. I finally got up and came downstairs and wrote her the following letter:

Dear W -- Last night, when you came to bed and kissed me good night, I cried for an hour. In a good way.

In the World of Make-Believe Love, there's only one acceptable story behind that kiss: that you felt moved by mysterious forces to give me exactly what I needed -- proof that we are "compatible." In the World of Real Love there's another story which is just as good: we have a close enough connection that I was able to tell you I needed a goodnight kiss, and you chose to give me what I needed.

In the same way, if you need something in your life that involves me -- adventure, romance, new experiences, new faucets, involvement in charity, travel to tropical climes -- Make-Believe Love requires that I magically be the kind of person who will spontaneously bring you those experiences and fulfill those needs. And if my Grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley.

Real Love requires of us something different: that you can (maybe with my help) figure out what you need, and tell me, and that I choose to act to fulfill that need. And I may find that it meets a need of my own I hadn't recognized. That's no less magical, in its way.

--with Real Love, Narwhal

A second night with practically no sleep, though with happier feelings.

She hasn't said anything about the note, but in an e-mail to her friend L (she leaves her e-mail open, and I peek) she says

He thinks he can be the person I need him to be, I just need to communicate my needs more clearly. That is hard to hear, since I feel like I've tried and been rebuffed. So I am still not sold, but am thinking of giving it a try, perhaps with a time limit.

She also bought a dozen pink roses, which are sitting in the kitchen. We had a crazy evening last night with W running to the hospital for her Mom, me picking up S4, my evening class, etc. So perhaps she intends to give me these, but didn't have a chance.

I felt sure I'd sleep easily tonight, after two nights of practically no sleep, but after two hours of lying in bed not sleeping, I came downstairs to type this.