A Choice

[patpat]

(((flowmom))))

You do not have it wrong. Your assessment is right on the money. I did set those boundaries for W and her possible return (someday). BUT since then, have prayed over it. I have come almost to the same conclusion.

W chose to hurt. Others (in her life) chose to support her the best they knew how based on sitch she presented. I do understand this.

But the friends I speak of.... def out of the pic. I rather have the OM as a friend then them. At least I can understand why he is doing what he is doing; as wrong as it may be.

No, I changed up. Just OM and W and my 2 closest friends (need I say in the world) ARE OUT! Not moving on this one and one day I will explain more.

MIL and SIL I have in my own way forgiving and will accept them in household and not make wife choose over them...

Ya know, someone (I think Coach) 2x4ed me one time telling me not to be afraid to act, because I was afraid to push W away. They told me why be afraid...SHE IS ALREADY GONE!

I have come to terms with that. I also am leaving the door open. You are right about one thing..... I can not make her come back. She will have to chose this on her own. I am not try to control how she comes back, merely letting her know what to exspect from me and what I will and will not accept. She can chose. At htis point, I see myself in a win win senario.

I am ok at this stage in my sitch. I will have my moments. Won't we all from time to time. But I am ok. If she comes back and wants to work on the M, I know it is because of the M and myself.... and of her own free will that she does so. If she does not, I am right here where I am today. At this point, I have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

And if I know nothing else, I know at least this much. I will not loose my new found self respect...

I love my W more than the blood that flows thru these veins, and would give up everything to hold her hand just one more time and feel the love we have shared and oneday may again... but I will not gives others the satisfaction.... the R's she has trashed at my expense. OM and closest friends are a source of pain for me. I will not accept them even at the cost of regaining that which I cherish most.

I do not believe I am capable of not loving my little chipmunk, as she will always be... I just may have to do it queitly, from a distance and alone.

I may meet someone new and move on.... who knows, may already have.... and just not realized it yet.

And flow, no apologies.... you don't have it all wrong. You are spot on. I may be the one who has it wrong.... but we all do in our own sitches it seems... it takes others to bring the light and time to embrace the answer. Looking in from the outside helps to heal, and you and everyone else here are a part of that for me. So, I appreciate you, and everyone else for all the comments, advice, support, praise and jokes. It is needed, it helps, and that is why I love everyone here.

Thanks flow.... I will check in on you soon....