You can tell he you have been having feelings for someone else. But you won't take the house off the market with out talking to me first because THAT IS A MAJOR DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's be the devil's advocate (without being the devil!). What she meant was that she respects your point of view so much that she wants/needs you to make life choices. And the relationship? She thinks you working elsewhere and other things that happened in the past that she should've forgotten told her that you decided first that she wasn't important to you.
You're right, when a S wants to walk away, thinking isn't so rational - guilt and other feelings can be a real challenge to deal with. The less logical, the more likely she has feelings for you and a buried hope fighting very present fears.
Maybe focus on the result instead of the emotions - the house will now be back on the market, she didn't do it and she said she respects you enough to talk to you first, and you recognized your anger coming up and kept it at bay for the conversation. Keep up the patience, vent here instead of at her, and maybe a year from now you'll be happily married again~
