In my marriage, my ex always was at work, and I worked too but I'm a teacher, so my hours are not bad. It was always just me and the kids. And we, especially my S, have a very strong bond b/c of that.
Wife is a teacher, wkends, and I can definately see how being a mom and handling bills and other stuff as overwhelming.
Also, I can kind of understand the whole, w not wanting you to go out with the buds kind of thing IF you did work all the time and she had all the responsibility of the kids. Even though men work to provide for their family, she probably felt put upon and thought if you were off you should be home. I've lived that scenario.
That was in first couple yrs of marriage. When son came along, maybe a beer with the guys and only one, didn't want to lose my dl to a dui, it would mean my job.And that was months apart.If drank, drank at home and with wife.Had more fun smoking in the garage or driveway and catching a buzz,besides wife was fun when she'd catch a buzz too.
My ex did NOT know how to be his own person, and is obviously crazy and spiraling out of control now b/c he doesn't have anyone to think for him.
When this really showed itself,wife"have to accept a man that will not change." Still don't know what she meant by that.
The other thing was "can't finish my thoughts anymore." That I know where it came from. I gave that to her, I could do a lot of things, just turned it over to her, had more than one reason, she would say she was always right, she is pretty smart, I was putting her first. Realize now made me sound and become weak or subservient. So I can see where I was tough to figure out somedays I'd be this toughman, usually during the wk. Sat/Sun I was a weak guy. I also thought I was giving a compliment when I'd ask now how do this with the kids. Know now and that's what bothers her, is I could always handle it, just I would get over ruled and it was easier than hearing her feel sorry for being in trouble. She is and was so darn sensative.
It is true that most women like to have a man that puts her needs first : ) haha, but women also want a strong independent man who has his own thoughts and opinions. The yes baby, whatever you want baby, is fun for a while, but it does get old. I know from experience.
I did too much of the yes baby!!!I went overboard after 7/7/07.
I'm glad you are working on having your own identity.
It's not much of an identity yet, but every day is getting better.
