She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

I can't believe I've been going through this crap for well over three months. It seems like an eternity, but I realize so many of you have been here much, much longer. I realize I'm going be dealing with this for a very long time.

Today I'm just so tired. Just when I feel like I'm getting stronger, I fall back into panic, fear, and despair.

It's the seeming little things, that I shouldn't worry about, that seem to set me back the most. Today, W asked about my schedule two weekends from now. She is planning on more saturdays sleeping away from home. I can't help but assume there is another OM. But why should I care?!? I'm really ready to move on, ready for my own life. Right now we are stuck in the same house. I so wish I could just get the divorce done with, and yet I'm still grieving. Why would I still want this woman?

Or, this morning, I realized that I was feeling particularly down. I was unlikely to ever share another superbowl sunday with my W, I didn't share it with her last night, and I likely didn't share enough with her during our M.

I know this is just a big self-pity party I'm having. I know what I need to do: I need to keep on with GAL. It's just so hard to do it while we are in the same house together, and I'm so tired.