You said: "I can't imagine what advice someone could have given my friend that would have worked, aside from what he did. He had to get to the point where he was utterly convinced there was no hope to continue working on his marriage, and just find someone else. Understanding that, and that her husband was in fact capable of finding and bedding and moving in with another woman, was what it took. She finally understood that she had in fact "lost" her husband and that SHE had to do something or he'd never be around again."
Yep. That's what it will take. It won't even necessarily have to include another woman. But it will have to include the willingness to leave if things don't change for the better.
Didn't we go over this in your first thread??? I had to learn this one the hard way ssmguy. YOU MUST DROP THE ROPE, then she *may* come around. Until she knows the relationship is at risk for certain there will be no real changes. And it won't feel really at risk until you are actually ready to walk, willing to walk away.
I pleaded with my wife for things to change... nothing changed. I made changes in myself to improve the R... nothing changed. I let her know how I was hurting and feeling... nothing changed.
A year passed then...
The weeks leading up to the point where I had let go of her, she could feel my letting go. She knew it was real, because it was real. That's when she came to me, wanted to go to sex therapy, wanted to do anything to save our relationship. She knew it was over *unless* we really worked on our relationship.
When I had let go I didn't know what would happen. I had accepted the fact that I may not be with her any longer, as much as that hurt. That's all I could do and it's what I had to do for myself to live honestly.
