I am really feeling bad for S9. Had a long conversation with him driving home from our cub scout meeting this evening, and then thereafter until bedtime.
S5 had, at the last minute, opted to stay the entire night with his mother. Earlier he had specifically told me that he wanted to return back with me and his older brother after cub scouts -- that if "Mr. OM' was there with his mother, then he wanted to definitely stay with me instead (that was surprising to me). Immediately thereafter, as S9 and I were leaving the MIL's place to go to the den meeting, we saw xW pull up in her vehicle to pick up S5 -- OM was driving her in her (our old) minivan. That told me that xW would indeed be in OM's company tonight, and S5 had said he didn't want to be ther with the both of them -- I think because his mother is more focused on OM in that case.
Thus I know xW must have bribed S5 with something to get him to change his mind. Probably yet another new toy. Yeah, she does that.
Back to S9. He said something to me that's been sticking with me. He said that he now knows that his mother has been lying to him and his brother. He said she had always told them, for a long time now, that Mr. OM was "only a friend" and that she was "never going to get married again", that she was through with M.
But now that she has started talking about OM and that she plans to marry him, talking more and more everyday about it, S9 now realizes that his mother has not been honest with him -- that she is indeed a "liar" because she had been planning to M this person despite assurances to him and his little brother that she wouldn't ever do that, with anyone.
While I can say with all candor that part of me did feel some sort of vindication, my chief reaction, held in reserve, was one of anger and disappointment and sorrow for S9's sake. Why do we parents shave to abuse the trust of our children like that? WTH is going on with xW, and how can she live with herself?
My response to S9 was an attempt at consolation. I told him that his mother would not appreciate being called a liar, and I advised him to respect her -- at least enough to never, ever say something like that to her face. I said her reaction would undoubtedly be to deny that she had ever lied, but that she had simply "changed her mind" about OM. But I could tell S9 was going to buy that argument, should his mother ever try it. He added that he could tell that his mother had all along been working towards this, despite her claims otherwise.
S9 then said that he knows that his grandmother, xW's mother (the evil MIL), had also been coaching he and his little brother to accept OM as part of the family. This shocked the H*ll out of me, as I hadn't realized that S9 was that astute. (Then again, on the other hand, I can't assume that xMIL hasn't been less subtle with my S's when I am not around.) S9 even added that he thinks that xMIL was also encouraging his mother into pursuing Mr. OM.
By this last I was (secretly) flabbergasted. I asked S9 point blank if I was the one who put that thought in his head. He said no -- that while I had given him information concerning his grandmother's actions, he had observed her for himself and drawn his own conclusions. He sounded a little sad when he muttered that his little brother, S5, in contrast to himself, seemed completely taken in by their propaganda about OM.
I started to ask him about xMIL's attempts to supposedly help S5 practice some basic writing skills -- and how she had at least once used it as an attempt to brain-wash his little brother. But I thought better of it.
Still despite this, S9 told me that he didn't think OM was a "bad" person. He said that he knows that I think otherwise, but he just has his own opinion. I replied that while I think he is yet a little young yet to be able to understand that some people's kindness is really a deception, I could see that when he was older he would indeed be able to discern for himself whether his present assessment of OM was accurate or not.
There was more I wanted to speak with my S about (and there was indeed ore than I have taken time to relate here), we were at a point where we both needed to stop (to get a before bedtime dessert). I am sure this line of conversation will come up again, so I can be patient.
What I take from this is that S9 is aware of much that is going on -- more than I had originally given him credit for. But I can also see that while he is very smart, there are some things that still escape him, mostly due to his youth. He still lacks the moral maturity to be able to fully understand and discern Right from Wrong, but he's on the right path. I am encouraged that he sees things more clearly than I would have thought. But I am also sad that he is finding that the veracity of his mother's words are questionable.
