I think marriage preparation classes should check which love languages you speak and if you don't speak the same ones then you should nix the M.
I would like to disagree as this is a topic that I have thought long and hard about.
My wife is a primary act of service/devotion kind of person and I am a primary language of love being sex and touching.
I feel that couples massage given to me by my wife as an act of service or devotion will still feel like touching to me and therefor make me feel loved. If she can pull it off, she will also feel she is doing something to express her love to me in her primary language of love.
Similarly, If I give my wife a sensual massage, I will be communicating my love for her in my primary language of love (touch). If I can convince her that my massage is really an act of service to her (by doing it at an appointed time or by allowing her to control aspects of it by say a coupon she can choose when the massage is given or the type of massage such as back or front), then she may be able to accept it as my expressing my love for her in her primary language of love.
Since this is about sex starved marriages, I think that sex can be "packaged" in a lot of ways so as to resemble other languages of love. Sex can be a "present" as in coupons, it can be bestowed as a form of quality intimate time together, it can be bestowed as an act of service, and it can be bestowed as words of affirmation (oh you have such a beautiful..../you do such wonderful things to me with your body.....)
Even though two people may not have the same primary or secondary languages of love, I think that there are lots of ways that those two people can find ways of showing their love and receiving their partner's love, if they are willing to be creative and stretch a little.
For several months, I have been working on trying to make my wife feel loved in her primary and secondary languages of love. I feel I have gotten through to her and made her feel loved. I have also during this time suggested ways in which she can make me feel loved in ways that are more in tune with her languages of love but still provide me with either the sexual stimulation (or erotic tension) I need or the physical touch I need. My secondary language of love is words of affirmation and she has been able to tell me her love for me much more easily.
I still think that two people can have a happy satisfying marriage, even if there languages of love are not the same.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
