Going All In

[Betterman]

Well, here I am back at the DB site again.

I have been on a long, arduous, hill-to-valley road for about 2 years with my wife now. She and I reconciled but it has been a rocky road trying to get back to normal again.

There are trust issues. Severe trust issues. Many of which stem from old childhood wounds.

We finally decided to stop trying to bang our heads against the wall and go to counseling. We agreed that we would not talk about sensitive things without a counselor present until we could figure out a way to deal with them, to keep things from getting volatile. I had to push her into it, but she and I went together. Once for the initial, once each for the individual and once for the first couples session. And then she got injured and was off her feet for over a month so we had not been back but should have gone anyhow.

Since April of last year, I have been accused of three affairs, none of which were true in the least sense of the word. I have decided that it is basically because of her insecurities and low self-esteem, plus some deep trust issues. (Which we were all supposed to be working on in counseling!)

Well this time it's bad. She is convinced that after we got back together that I slept with someone I used to work with. She says that she has made her decision about what she is going to do and is going to tell me when she's ready to. I attempted to get her back to the counselors but she refuses to go...yet anyhow. I told her that the agreement that we made to not talk about volatile things unless a counselor is present stands and that I will not talk to her about this unless it's in a controlled environment.

This is to #1) keep her from jumping into things too quickly and making a rash decision (which she tends to do) and #2) to let things cool a bit more before doing anything at all. So if she is going to say anything to me, I will politely decline and tell her that I am not ready to talk yet and that the rule still stands.

Thing is I think she's going to pull the divorce card this time. Either that or she's going to try this whole, I'm going to live my life and you can live yours crap.

Now there is a lot at stake here. We have a son with Autism. He has very low communications skills, just got potty trained at 6-and-a-half (sort of...we're still working on that), has a selective diet, has sleeping issues, needs constant supervision and is having increasing behavioral problems.

We also have a daughter who is borderline autistic, who is higher functioning, but still has issues that need attention. She also has emotional problems.

I DO NOT...let me repeat this for emphasis...DO NOT want my children growing up in a broken home. My son's already got enough problems. He doesn't need divorced parents making things worse. My daughter would be confused beyond belief and devastated if we broke up. I would not be able to handle it if they had to endure this.

So, here's my plan...and I need honest opinions from all here.

If my potential WAW actually does say she's going to leave, I will propose the following to, in essence "call her bluff" by "going all in:"

I will tell her that from this point forward, if she catches me doing anything in the line of cheating behavior, (i.e., secret communications, emotional, physical, etc.) and can actually prove that this/these thing/s are going on with hard evidence, then I will give her everything. My car, the house, my stuff, my musical instruments, my computers, my golf clubs, my EVERYTHING, AND have to pay her HALF of whatever I make for the rest of my life, leave and leave her alone only to have contact with out kids when absolutely necessary.

Basically totally turn myself over to her financially for the rest of my life and have nothing, and I mean nothing. And of course, put all of this in a legal document, signed, notarized and entered into the public record.

And why do this crazy thing, you ask? Because I will do ANYTHING to keep my family together and do ANY-THING it takes to make sure my son and daughter have a FAMILY. THEIR FAMILY.

So, is this crazy? Will it work? Ladies, would this be enough to convince you that I am more than serious about what I want? Men, would you go this far to save your marriage and MEAN IT and DO IT yourselves?

I look forward to responses!

Thanks for reading!

M:42
W:38
D:8
S:6
married: 14
together: 12.5
Bomb dropped: 4/18/05
Back together: 9/30/07
In trouble again: NOW