feel like giving up - talk to me!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

again, sounds exactly like my h.

I also called the OW, but I never got to really say anything. just told her that we needed to talk, but she was at work. next thing I know H is threatening me over the phone.

His comment "whatever you did you've now crossed the line..I hope you're satisfied w/the results" that's about what my H said too. and they do that because they are on the defense because we stepped in to make things more difficult and so they go on the attack. It's a natural response, IMHO, and just let him be crazy. but YOU remain calm. do not react to him whatsoever.

I would be dark right now. just do your own thing and be absent from him as much as possible for the moment. Things are going to get really crazy. and actually, for him to talk to the kids is a better thing than I normally hear, unless he's just bashing you to them. most of the WAS including my own, won't face up to their kids and just act like nothings wrong. I would definitely talk to the kids as well, and do NOT bash on him, but just tell them that you were trying to solve the problems in the M, but H is making the choice to step away instead. He is still your father and loves you, but he is in a bad position right now and we need to pray for him. He is very lost and he is hurting a lot of people including himself.


also, be very very careful what you say, as I would suggest not to say anything to H for a while until things settle down. if he leaves, then let him leave. If he doesn't leave, I would still say that you want him to know you do not approve of the R that he has with this woman, and out of respect for you and the children, he will need to keep any and all contact out of this house, and if he cannot, then he needs to find another place to stay.

Regardless of whether you want to fight for your M or not, your goal is still the same, so make that decision later. But, you do need to make a decision if you want him to continue living in your home or not. In my sitch, I allowed my H to stay if he wanted. That was my decision, because I wanted to be the biggest influence in his life and I was GALing well and I was VERY consistently DBing. but what are you comfortable doing? What are you able to handle in this sitch?

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, and this 1998 thing is news to me. Did you have any evidence that HE was involved in an A? or was it just that email that you found, and nothing from him.

I think that answer might change how I feel about this sitch, and what steps you should do next.

[mindfull]

Crissy - you are something else. Thanks for being here for "us".

[luvless]

ST - no real proof just an "i miss you" voicemail and I called him on it. I think it was just starting and I caught it right away but still...no real proof.

[courageous wife]

So sorry to see this luvless! I called my H's OW and he found out and left. It has been over a month since he left. I will say that I have been calmer and am not walking on eggshells in my own home anymore, even when he is here visiting! Hang in there!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

If he could put on his big boy underwear and text another woman and communicate to her and turn her on, he could have done the same with you if he valued you and the relationship he had with you.

I keep thinking about this... if we believed this with everyone on here, no one would save their Ms.

remember, both people are hurting, and that's why As happen. does it make it right? of course not, but if your a christian, and you believe in the words of Jesus... "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." I believe this would go for many things. We have all sinned against God and those that we love, and that is also why Jesus has taught us forgiveness. Granted luv, your H is not asking for forgiveness now, but the more we blame those that hurt us, the more we will hold bitterness against them, and the less we are capable of forgiving, and the less we are capable of "pulling the log out of our own eye".

I just needed to put those words out there.

but, Rob is right, that you do not want to tolerate his behavior. But you need to develop your boundaries and decide how to enforce them. do not focus on blaming. Focus on the fact that you are becoming a wonderful woman, and that God is shaping you into the woman he created you to be, and you are proud of who you are becoming, and that H will be at a loss if he does not see that. And then you START BECOMING THAT WOMAN.

[luvless]

I hear you ST - yeah I am a Christian and God is really teaching me a lesson here. I've already waved my white flag and told him I get it now stop cuz it's getting to be too much. I've had a little bit of peace but now I'm starting to feel more anxiety again.

I know it's gonna get crazy and it's gonna happen fast. I'm ready.

4 C's just like Gnosis says!

[patpat]

(((((luv)))))

[luvless]

Hey guys...thanks for all your hugs and genuine concern.

Last night was interesting. He came home and was giving my S19 (the talk) and D17 text me that she was gonna get hers too. I thought some ugly stuff would go down last night when he got home. He walked in at 5:00 - hasn't done that in 3 months!

He went shopping with the kids last night and they got in at 9. I was given advice here to leave and I stayed. I just didn't feel like going anywhere I wanted to relax so I did. I was watching tv when they all walked in.

H came in talking about what D got and such. He changed and got a beer and sat down and was talking...even to me. I expected him to ignore me completely. He didn't say a whole lot but he was talking at me a couple times. Here I go mindreading again (he must have made his plans) and he's feeling a little relief so not so wound up. We watched a comedy show and laughed and went to bed.

This morning not a word if he didn't have to. I cleaned up the kitchen he usually does and asked him to finish it up (just a couple dishes)

Anyway...I thought he was done?...but he went to bed in MY bed...shouldn't that irk him to sleep next to me?

We'll see what the clown does today. I'm sure he has something for me. Oh, and I thought he was called into HR and was gonna get fired. He went to work so I guess it was just another one of his threats and lies.

Luv

[S.T. _I Made It!]

shouldn't that irk him to sleep next to me?

um no. unless you choose to be the vengefull type. My H slept with me many times, but there was definitely no touching involved. I cried silently so many times while he was next to me. many times I would be shaking so bad throughout the night and couldn't stop. But, I was never vengefull, and although I had my month of blaming him and pleading and crying, I never went crazy on him, I was just major depressed and mostly quiet, and again, it only lasted a month.

So, IMHO, he still loves you luv, but he doesn't think he's "IN" love with you, because he's living for his feelings now, but he's very confused. otherwise, he would have moved out, gone to a L and got the D.

fyi, remember, no assumptions, it is quite possible that he did get called into HR, or maybe she is threatening him since you contacted her...who knows. half the time we really have no clue what is really going on, only God knows.

I'm glad it was a good night for the most part.

NOW, start LIVING the knowledge that you have gained here, and get it outside your mind and into your heart.