I'm having a bit of trouble with the "forcing you ... to go outside the marriage to get your needs met" bit. Nobody can FORCE anybody to make a particular choice. Both partners have issues which cause them to arrive at a particular impasse that way.
Well, it's not force, but I know what he means. But I also take issue with the overly neat de-victimization rewording which simplifies it to each individual being 100% responsible for their own behavior. Yeah, sure, as if it's OK to play head games with a depressed person to the point where they commit suicide, and wow, well, that's not your fault. I don't care how you slice it, both parties in a marriage usually have a significant part in their individual resulting behaviors.
I won't soon forget the huge protests which came from women when that guy on Oprah, a book author of "Why Men Cheat" or something like that, a few months ago suggested to women how they could strengthen their marriages and reduce the chances of their husbands cheating. He stated again and again that the wives are NOT responsible for their husbands' cheating. But it didn't matter how many times he said it. Scores of women still took his advice on how to REDUCE the man's chances of cheating as their being responsible. Of course, in a statistical sense, you can't separate the two. It's all in the moral interpretation. And the fact, of course, is -- surprise -- you often do have an effect on your spouses behavior. Otherwise, what the heck would a marriage be???
Anybody who's preoccupied with who's at fault and who's responsible is far from solving any of these problems. Both partners usually have a significant hand in their resulting behaviors, either directly or indirectly. That's just plain obvious.
As I've said before, I don't blame my wife for my own behavior outside of my marriage. But I can state as fact my behavior would have been different had my wife been interested in sex.
