Maybe you will just have to spell out what you are doing.
"X, you seem to be a bit unclear about where things stand. I hope this helps clarify: According to the court judgement, you have visitation ______. I have asked you to be respectful of my time in letting me know with reasonable notice (day before) if and when you plan to come so I can arrange my schedule and life. This is not to punish you; in fact, this doesn't have anything to do with you. It is about me being in control of my own life. And no, that does not include 'giving baby a kiss' from you when you tell me to. By the way, have you cared for baby this week by providing the financial support that she needs?"
OK, you might want to edit some of that - for length!
You went above and beyond (again!) in offering him a chance to meet at your MOMMY and me music class. Why did you do that?
You are on the right path - it will be hard at times, but if you stick to it, you will have him giving you the respect that you deserve, even if he doesn't like it.
