IRMA, I am glad you will not back down from your child support, but if your husband is dealing drugs and you stay married to him, you are wrong, I'm sorry. I respect personal beliefs, but there is no justification for that, in the Bible or anywhere else.
I know there is no time limit on MLC but I am going on 3+ yrs...and now he has gone totally dark and N/C with our daughter since she wont contact him any longer since the facebook picture posting of him and the homewrecker ....we were texting there back and forth since the holidays but now nothing.....especially since he is headed to child support court this Feb24...I dont even know why I did that......as they say "YOU CANT GET BLOOD OUT OF A TURNIP" HE DOES NOT WORK...hwta good is that going to do me.....I need words of encouragment O/P as to what this c/s thing is going to do for me......as I see it NOTHING....
I am not sure what it is going to do for you. HOWEVER I would not back off because that would just show him that he is right and you are wrong.
That is not the message that you want to send. You want to stay on the path that you are on because it is correct. Not because your H bully's you into changing.
Yes it does... and I will NOT back down.....but I still find myself after all these years still hoping and praying he will one day "COME TO HIS SENSES" I am in no way just sitting by the phone waiting on his call that will maybe never come, I enjoy my life now, but every now and then I have a happy thought or some commercial he liked or movie we watched.....i would think by now I would never give it one thought but I still do.....I pray on a daily basis for strength, and courage, guidance.... How much longer must I have these thoughts....I have trouble sometimes accepting the fact that he may never come home.....I never had a chance.. he never moved back into the area....FEELING SAD FOR MY DAUGHTER THOUGH.....she is the one I want for the most to be happy and she is not....she keeps everything buried deep inside of her...3yrs....that is a long time to wait and hope for something and nothing changes.....
IRMAC, We all have those moments where we see an ad, movie or hear a song that reminds us of when our spouses where w/us. It's very normal to have those happy thoughts. They are the ones that get us through the tougher times we experience. Just think about it, we go through the same motions and thoughts as those who are experiencing the death of a loved one. Nothing different or wrong in feeling the way we do....we lost something very special too and we are still looking for the answers.
It's good that you pray daily for God does hear your prayers. As to what he determines he will do about your h's situation is all up to him. He may determine that your h needs more time and will send you along a different path for a long or short period of time. No one has the answers. However, I do know this, you have to continue living your life as if he will not return. You cannot stay in one place for very long, for you will become stuck. Life is too short to remain stuck. It's when we continue walk the path of our journey that they notice we are not sitting and waiting for them to return.
There's nothing you can do for your daughter to make her happy. She will have to find her way in all of this and come to realize that her happiness will come from within just as her father's will as well. However, you can sit and chat w/her, i.e., discuss things of interest to her and allow her to feel comfortable in opening up to you. Is there someone she feels close to that she could open up to?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for your reply...I am very concerned for my daughter...she is so much like her father he never really talked with me about anything that was bothering him... he was very quiet not much of a talker,always just kept it all inside him and my daughter is this way...she trusts me and God period...I have asked her if she would like to speak with someone who might be able to help her open up but I dont want to push it...we have become very close in these last 3 yrs. she was always a daddy's girl but now Mom has taken that special place in her heart..she NEVER wants to talk about her feelings, her feelings for her dad...and I will just ask God to heal her.She is so beautiful, smart,loving and caring breaks my heart to see her go thru this..I pray this will not affect any future relationships that she will have...I love her so much I would do anything to protect her and keep her from any harm.....she is my life...the reason I am stil here today....thanks for caring and listening it really does help when we write it down.....Snodderly you said for me not to get stuck, could you maybe explain a little exactly what that means???I dont want to sound stupid but,do I sound like I am stuck???
For the grieving or lbs spouse, getting stuck means remaining in one place and never venturing forth. You've managed to move forward and are living your life, but yet your expectatiions are still there for him. Getting stuck means never looking ahead and planning your life as if he will not return. Some people tend to get stuck in the denial stage, others in the anger stage. You have to find ways to focus on your and your daughter, try to find something of interest that you both can sit down and talk about.
When your daughter is ready, she will talk to you. Some will not talk about what has happened and will be "driven" to over achieve in other areas of interest. Some day, she will open up to someone about the situation and it may not be you, but a best friend. Don't push it....give her the space she needs as well. She may not feel that you are emotionally ready to listen to what she has to say. No one really knows what goes through their heads either.
Keep moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well the day before Valentine's Day and I feel the need to just vent.....I have been in bed pretty much all day feeling very depressed I guess I need to up my meds, doesnt seem to work very well lately......I got out of bed in a very foul mood and my daughter asked why I do that when she is around....Do I really do that???? I started putting myself down in front of her i.e. if only I was 15yrs. younger I would of moved on...my healthy looking neighbor has no job, gets to stay home ( same as husband) in the meantime I work 40 hrs a week and barely scrape by on what I make....i feel ugly as my hair looks very very thin on the top of my head...blah blah blah....I can just imagine what she must think.....I do this sometimes...feel sort of neurotic in some way...everywhere I look commercials...malls..restaurants couples everywhere....what is happening to me.....jealously????pity party???? I feel like I am just ramblin on..God help me to say the right words to my daughter I love her so much but I dont know why I have been doing this....she never opens up to me as to how she feels and if I make her feel this way, how can I not see it..I pray all the time, I dont want to visit with my family at all lately I have kids who live near by and i am just exhausted when I get home, I dont visit them they barely call me...and i feel like I have lost all of my family.....since my husband left the closeness of all of my family is not there any longer.....I feel overwhelmed right now....my self esteem is at a very low point.....I have come to realize and it hit me in the face just now I have a MLC/WAH we never hear from him...it was me who always initiated contact 1st not him...what am i doing????? better go before you guys think I am nuts.......just having a hard day especially when my daughter thinks this way of me......what can I do to fix it.??
Just wanted you to know I am doing much better...dont know what happened today but I kicked up my cymbalta by taking another pill.am goin to see dr sometime this week so he can up the dose...does this ever stop...doing this for yrs.I am so tired....thanks for being there.....
IRMAC, Definitely see your doctor and discuss this situation w/him. Your medication may need to be adjusted. I'm glad you are feeling better today. Holidays can be rough.
It's time to start thinking about what you want to do w/your life. You mentioned your appearance in your posting. Take out some magazines and see if you can find a nice haircut that would flatter your face and go w/it. Sometimes just changing your appearance just a bit will give you the lift you need to make you feel a bit better about yourself. It sounds like you've gotten yourself in a rut w/a bit of depression going on.
It's one step at a time. Make a list of those things that you would like to completely change or improve on and start working on them one by one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
