WAW Using God

[pigskin]

Today W and I got into a disagreement and it spilled over into her talking about how she felt I kept her from things she had an interest in. In my mind it was her taking me too seriously over some things I said in the past but I could see how she could have read it the way she did. I told her truthfully that I never kept her from anything I truly believed she liked/wanted but that she never made it clear to me, or did a poor job of it.

That was the truth. I've always tried to give my wife everything I believed her to truly want. She was just never good at being adamant about things she felt strongly about. As soon as I took a contrary position, mainly to address the "cons" of what she was saying, she took it as an absolute "no", when all I was trying to do was to consider things fully before we came to an agreement. I was always willing to bend if she felt strongly since I'm an easy going man with very few needs/wants when it comes to material things or even how the children are raised, since we are very closely aligned in that area.

She seems to know that "now" I have a better grip on discussing how she feels and can better read her when she does not come out and say how strongly she feels about something. And she seems to know that I didn't purposefully keep her from anything, but she said "It doesn't matter now". Which can mean she either is done or that "the past is the past" and she felt the way she felt then and can't help that.

She was tearing up even over our simple discussion. It is tough dealing with a loved one with depression. You always are on egg shells. It kills me that her struggle with it may keep us from reconciling and rip apart our family.

I really want to comfort her, and I really wish she would give us another shot given our vastly improved communication about feelings. It doesn't help that the OM had the same problem with his W, so they feel a kinship there, but the OM's wife is not like me. My W had even said before that their relationship was a lot worse than ours.

Today was a tough day. I really want to see progress but I'm not getting it. I wish somehow her depression would go away; her meds and counseling don't seem to make a difference. I think we'd have a shot at fixing things like so many on these forums have done. I am so committed to this marriage regardless of her mental or physical health but I feel so alone in this battle. It's not true of course; I know God is with me and will provide me with a better life regardless of what happens. It's just knowing what I want and not knowing what I'll get that makes it tough.