I am with PH. I think you are due for a talk with Mr. Mindfull. I don't know how you have kept quiet for so long. I commend you from the bottom of my heart. I would find it extremely hard to do. I don't do subtle, I do forthright and sometimes that is a problem (working on it!!!)
However, it really matters what you think and where you are. You can do whatever you set your mind to do.
Mr. Mind sounds like a little studmuffin from your description of him. How about turning up the heat in the bedroom? You also said he follows you into the shower sometimes...how about that?
I think you have done a stellar job in rebuilding a friendship but you need your H as a lover now. I honestly don't see how you get there without some sort of discussion or something NEW on your part. I could be wrong and I am not in a position to give advice but those are just my thoughts.
Have you ever wondered whether he could have some sort of erectile dysfunction or other problem? Is he under financial stress from his business? Just wondering...
And Mind...you come accross as so sexy, sassy, full of life and fun. Don't retreat so far into yourself that you lose (your) Mind. I was surprised to hear that you felt paralyzed because you seem so energized...
The past few weeks I really felt like I was getting better at NOT "feeding" him...
I might have mistyped, but I was not really expecting anything from making them dinner (that he and the boys requested), I just don't expect his f'ing negativity associated with it. It was bothersome because he knew how long I was in the kitchen. I mean, seriously, wouldn't you just shut the heck up if it was not as expected after all of that?
Maybe I'm too sensitive, I don't know... I guess I just consider others feelings before I open my mouth.
I've been doing all of this sh#t for a year. Yes, a year.
I'm just done.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mr. Mindfull is one of those good looking dudes that doesn't know it. He's... simple. He only comes off as studly because I shop for him, I make sure he has a great haircut, I handle his social calendar.
He has personality plus, but has no clue of his looks/attitude that he projects.
CLUELESS
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
OP - This is still almost entire true, and hasn't changed...
Long Story Short
Bombed - 12/2007 - ILYBINILWY - "out of love w/you since you forced me to buy this house..."
Decides to Stay - 1/2008 - never really tells me, but (in a txt) answers me that "he's not going anywhere (?) LOL"
1/2008 - 11/17/2008 - I do about everything wrong... beg, plead, gifts, R talks weekly w/tons of crying
DB'ing Begins - 11/1/2008 - initial superb response, still in the same house/same bed, no further talks, no further intimacy, I am just his kids mom, and (probably) one of his best friends
CURRENT
Still emotional daily (alone) Health suffering from stress of m/r and loneliness Live together harmoniously, and enjoyably, for the kids... (doesn't work when one of you is still in love with the other)
I cook for the "men" in the house, mostly on weekends, and when H gets home during the week, MOSTLY because, in this world of takeout, etc... it's HOME food, WARM and COZY food... H travels all week so eats out of bags and trays, and the boys have so many sports that we're always grabbing and going...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
(working on it!!!)