Sorry. I am going to add one more point to this... which is my own. I don't have an article for this.
You COULD watch Gureilla divorce busting on you tube by Michele Davis... her "Don't be a Friend" section is excellent there.
1. make sure your friend is marriage-friendly. By that I mean they will advocate saving the marriage at all cost. They will NOT advocate leaving or maintaining an affair.
2. Make sure your friend is educated on infidelity such that they understand Infidelity is NOT a LOVE STORY. Infidelity is a social illness people develop similar to gambling. They get addicted to the excitement and will watch their whole world around them fall apart while they continue to pursue the next round of play. Infidelity is an Impulse Control Disorder - as is gambling, hording, etc. It's destructive, selfish, and cruel. Infidelity is to Sex what Stalking is to Romance.
Is Stalking a love story? I put them in the same grouping.
3. Your friend needs to understand his MOOD is affecting his judgement. WHen someone's emotions are spiking due to a crisis in their lives they are a MESS and cannot think straight. This is NOT the time to be doing somethign drastic like leaving. This is the time to put on the BRAKES. Simplify one's life back to the basics of FAMILY and to rebuild that foundation. Friends and extra curricular activities should be put on HOLD until the family is repaired.
4. If a friend is NOT helping you rebuild your home when its in crisis - they aren't a friend - end contact with them.
5. Don't do DAMAGE. Don't argue the case for the W. Don't argue at all. Listen to him and ask some provocative questions that will make him revisit his family and his vows. Make him AWARE of the threats to marriage that exist outside the home.
6. Have your friend make sure your H understands that ANYONE counselling him in a way that THREATENS his HOME is NOT a positive influence.
I am writing this because when the affair in my home started, there were people that new, that my wife had told. These people responded in a variety of ways :
1. Say nothing. Act like they did'nt hear it. 2. Listen excitedly and gossip behind her back. 3. Listen excitedly and behfriend the OP
THESE people are NOT the ones you want speaking with your H. They WON'T help.
These are OFTEN the responses ignorant people offer when they hear an affair is taking place.
I am putting this up on my server.. my guess is they will block this from this forum, but here it is :
