Next steps

[newmama]

congrats on deciding to look for a new place!

You know what?I think if you want to go to that meeting, then go! I am sure the OW is scared of you anyway, LOL

Thank goodness my WH's OW lives in a different city...it really has to be torture worrying about running into them all the time, let alone trying to forget about X. ((avermont))

[chatterbug]

Best thing about backing in Aver in the winter. You do not fog the glasses...

2 little steps forward Aver.... 2 very important steps.

[avermont]

I don't think OW is smart enough to be scared of me. Jeez, actually, I think I am tough--but wow--she totally HUNG OUT casually in FRONT of me! and X! Ack! Do not think this!! I am way stronger than she is!!!!

Breath. Next steps:

*Saw a realtor today.
*Emailed my financial guy to find out how much of stocks/bonds/IRA's I can really turn into cash.
*Met with a potential roomie. (weird!! she's a WAW! beautiful blonde, no less. I will get a lot more attention if I bring her to the local bar with me!) But she is also a nurse, and as I am considering that as a career change--seems like karma to me...)

step by step....

[pearlharbr]

I wish I knew the magic words to say to get your mind off X and OW. People cheat down from their partner, usually WAY down. Remember that.

Let go. You're holding onto the anger so tightly that you're not allowing yourself to reach for something new.

Why do you care so much about X and OW being out and about town together? Look at it objectively. If you had friends who had been together for 20+ years and the man suddenly had a much younger and much dimmer girlfriend, what would you think? I would think he's an idiot. And I would think she's only after his money. I wouldn't think poorly of the left partner unless she was still pining over him or chasing after him.

Live your life on your terms, not anyone else's.

Good job on seeing the realtor and looking into cash and roommate options. Keep the momentum moving forward.

[rockedworld]

How you doing Aver?

[avermont]

Thanks for checking in, RW.

I'm trying to be better about checking in on other's posts, but I just so don't feel I have anything to contribute!

I am up/down/up/down.

Great weekend learning to teleski. New skill, meet new people.

Roomie moved in today. It will be so nice having someone else around the house! but weird, too--lots of years since having a "housemate." And the weirdest part is she is a beautiful blonde WAW--trying this separation to see what is up with the M. I am keeping my mouth shut unless and until we get to sharing stories.

Processing alot about the house. That is really eating at me. Options, options.

And horrible feelings of...fighting over the house...closes all doors...tears up any possible "road back." I am truly truly truly trying to feel "done" "over" "moving on" and then some dumb fantasy will come up involving some sweet email from him that opens up the door.

Thanks to pearl for all her 2x4's I am trying to keep going on forward momentum!

Thanks for checking in. I was moved by your post about it being just about a year since ILYBINILWY speech in the car....and here you are, piecing it back together. I appreciate your honest posts about how difficult it is.

You keep going, girl!

[rockedworld]

You're welcome.

I gotta say, although I agree with Pearl's 2x4's (she's good at those) I don't know how I would cope in your sitch. I don't know how I could come to terms with my H moving OW in our house. But, you have been amazingly strong, and getting stronger every day.

Love your GALing. I am a skiier too so very jealous....

[flowmom]

(((avermont))) the house is so symbolic for you. I guess I hope that you see the opportunity that you have. You can start a new life with almost no residue from your M. As someone who will be spending the next 15 years coparenting dependent children with my H (longer than our M), I envy your freedom. See that beautiful clean slate? You can write your name on it and write your story. A lot of my story is already written...and I don't love that story, even if I manage to get over losing H one day.

The skiing sounds great. So cool!

[newmama]

Aver, you are doing a fantastic job of GALing!

Now as for you feeling like you wouldn't be able to offer help to others' sitches...nonsense! Don't you know it is always easier to give advice to others than to follow it ourselves? :-)

"Outside looking in"/ "can't see the forest for the trees"/ "too close to know what to do"...all of these expressions apply to us on the DB forum!

P.S. Man, can't wait to learn of your WAW's story!!

[LookingFrAnswers]

Hi Aver, I was just about to send my post - then Poof!! The power went off here at work for about 5 seconds & I lost it!! A sign I need to go home! Anyway, here it is recreated as best I can:

Hi Aver,
Sorry to be MIA so long! I had to catch up with your thread the past week – lots happening here! I see you are in the best hands here though. Thanks for your posts & support to my SOS – which turned out to be a non-issue. For now.

I know I’m way late on this but I agree w Pearl & Newmama re: the intervention. I understand your not wanting to leave any stone unturned, but can you really trust his friends? Are they your friends as well? Giving them all that intel on your house sitch worries me a little. Maybe my sitch is coloring my advice here as H’s friends are clearly the enemy to me!

Aver, just to be clear, I don’t feel that your house isn’t worth fighting for! As depressed as living in our house makes me now, for months I felt like you – why should I move out? This is MY house, I worked my a** off on it too. Even my MIL apparently made comments to H that if she were me, she’d leave & tell him to keep his house”. HIS house? Excuse me, I don’t think so! It’s only been in the last several mos. that I’ve considered moving. (Yes I do everything SLOWLY!) So I do understand how you feel & I ache for your pain.

But I can tell you back in Nov. H was asking “when I thought I’d move in w my sister”. Just him saying that made me want to stay there! But your X is pushing now, & wants to move quickly.

I just think what Pearl said is true: We don’t question your fighting for the house, but your motives behind it. Basing your future on what they do. But reading the past week's worth of posts sounds like you are moving toward a decision. You are leaving no stone unturned about fighting for the house and you will make the best possible decision for you on this. I know you will. You are so smart. You are getting toward your decision, you will get there.

I know this was a rough week for you & I'm sorry I wasn't around much but please know you were in my thoughts. Sometimes I get overwhelmed in my thread & dont' make it out to others. But I am always thinking of you and others on here, and how much you help me.

Keep up the GAL, you're an inspiration! I'll be around to check in. Thanks for being there. ((((hugs))))