I'm giving up, told W I'll sign at the end of FEB

[TooLateForMe]

I'm lucky to have a very challenging C. I'll post the results of that discussion in a bit. Kinda worn out at this point.

Newmama, no advice is bad advice if it gets me thinking in new ways to communicate. I'm trying to find the best way for *me* and part of that is seeking out advice and trying new things. The old ways obviously don't work.

[TooLateForMe]

I'm trying to weave the main points I discussed w/ C into a letter.

1. I understand her POV.

2. I have a certain amount of respect that I require, from everyone, not just her.

3. I'm committed to respecting her in turn and if she feels disrespected to let me know.

4. I am not interested in rehashing the past.

Any pointers would be appreciated, though I do plan to sit down and work this into the "I feel..." model.

[TooLateForMe]

Oh, and C also suggested asking for half the $ instead of setting respect as a condition for my signing.

[Onthemountaintop]

That makes sense to me. How about you. Do you want 1/2 the money?

I know if I D, I would be doing creative accounting to make sure that both I and my W get the best deal we can from the Gov't. I consider any money she gets that isn't from me like free alimony!

[TooLateForMe]

Sent the email. She got mad and tried to argue with me and I told her I wasn't going to fight but she did.

I hung up and she called back. I reiterated what I said in the letter, that she doesn't have to give me any money or even explain. I asked and she said no.

It went well after that. Disagreements, but we handled them maturely and without getting upset.

She filled me in on D13, who apparently has a major attitude problem now and has been ordered by the school C to see an IC. I just said that this was exactly the sort of stuff I should know about and that I would like to talk to her. That suggestion was dismissed out of hand as was my suggestion to talk to the school C.

[TooLateForMe]

Apparently, reasonable was the wrong approach. I say I feel disregarded and she ignores my emails. Big guns then.

[Gnosis]

How are you doing Mark?

[TooLateForMe]

I am confused, G.

Saw W last Mon to sign the D papers, but it turned out she wanted to file in my state, not hers. I told her it probably wouldn't work that way, that I'd have to be the one to file here but that I would never file again (I was the one who filed the first D). She said she could file here even though she doesn't live in this state. Spent the rest of the day on a trip w/ her and DD13 to help W pick up speakers for a friend and it was such a good vibe that I couldn't help wondering WHY we were divorcing. It was like before, finishing each others' sentences, etc and I was horribly attracted to her and trying not to show it.

She called on Thurs to let me know that I was right and she couldn't file here and insinuated that *I* should file here so she didn't have to spend as much money (cheaper here). I had made it clear that I could not do that, that I feel so much shame from filing the first time. The whole time I was careful to be kind and calm and said I was sorry. She said NO, I wasn't sorry or I'd file and that I was making her life and DDs lives so much worse because it was going to cost more for her to file.

She brought up a hypothetical scenario of what if she asked me to come back now? I said I wouldn't. She thought this justified her position but I made it clear that the mistake of our past reconciliation was that we got back together too quickly. It would have to be a slow process.

She continued to try to make me feel like I was being selfish and unreasonable. Eventually, I couldn't take any more and told her I had to go before I got upset and said something I didn't mean. This made her angry, but I insisted.

I texted and asked her to call me later, she replied "perhaps."

My dad wisely suggested to just avoid contact and I agreed and texted her again saying I was sorry, but that it would be better if we waited a while to speak. She texted back "whatever."

Not sure why, but that upset me a lot. I thought up about a dozen replies but managed to keep control and didn't send any of them.

Haven't heard from her since. I still love her deeply, but I'm almost at the point of emotional exhaustion. I even have a plan for life without her and I'm not sure if I want to deal w/ her anymore.

I'm tempted to send an email saying something like: "You'd be surprised how easy it is to get me to do whatever you want if you're patient. And nice." Meaning that ultimately I want to help her but I won't be bullied into anything.

Will wait on that but I'm not sure what to do. I just want to do the right thing for everyone.

[mrbt]

. . .such a good vibe that I couldn't help wondering WHY we were divorcing. It was like before, finishing each others' sentences, etc and I was horribly attracted to her and trying not to show it.

Same thing happens to me . . . but on a daily basis.

. . .I still love her deeply, but I'm almost at the point of emotional exhaustion.

Me too.

[TooLateForMe]

Though it's tempting to contact her, I think I'll wait for her to come to me.

The only concern is talking w/ DDs. They often try to get us talking and W frequently jumps into our conversations to "clarify" their stories. They've gotten pretty clever about it.