Gosh... thank you so much for the outpouring of caring, sharing, prayers and tales. I'm crying good tears. There's a picture on the alt of the kids and Tiggy from 2 1/2 years ago.. what a kook.
I was the queen of cool waking up my daughter and gently ushering her into the family room. Tiggy was still snuggled in the blanket but her sweet face was covered. When we left the room, I shut the door.
Once in the family room, my daughter's friend woke up and we each sat on either side of my daughter. Tears were flowing. We told a few stories. I saw her friend and my daughter both get faraway looks in their eyes. It was group hug time where we all twisted and cuddled close. Lots of tears, lots of consoling. I was feeling pretty balanced, sad but there for the girls.
While the girls were getting ready for school, I found a very helpful article written from a man's point of view on dealing with your dog's death. I have to tell you, I do love men. My daughter stayed home from school. We cried, she went to sleep. I tried to figure out the next step.
I thought of donating Tiggy to science. I called the kennel where she usually boarded and started crying, unable to ask about what their recommendation would be. Once those tears started, the dam was no longer sound. Everyone was so kind and understanding. Losing a dog is losing a family member. In the end I decided to have her cremated through our vet. They make a clay paw print with her name set in it.
My daughter was too upset to help me get Tiggy downstairs to the car. Once again, I pulled her on her memory foam dog bed gently down the stairs. At the base of the stairs I picked up the whole thing and carried it to the garage door and into the minivan. She was still warm, not rigid. I wrapped her in a new blanket. Then it was off to the vet.
Up until I opened the hatch in the vet's parking lot I was doing okay. Once I lifted it up, I just started to cry and held her paw, uncovering her face to pet her. They came out with a stretcher and I followed them in. Tiggy was placed on a table while they filled out forms that I signed. A cup of hot chocolate was put in my hand along with a box of Kleenex.
When the paperwork was completed, the fees paid I went to leave, then stopped. Back I went to caress those velvet ears, kiss her cheek, and pet pet stroke down her body with each slowing step. Those motions reminded me of my Dad's funeral Mass when I kept touching his casket as I went by. I couldn't believe it.
Being close to her was easy, natural even though she was dying. Learning to live without her is difficult. So many activities in my life surround her. The first time I left, I wondered where her bed was, looked in her favorite sunny spot, secured the trash, pushed temptations away from the edge of the counter, wondered where she was and if she'd done her business.
Oops.... You never realize how much of a constant someone is until they're not there. We're going to have a little memorial this weekend with all of us together.
Anyway.. I'm spacey and rambling.. the kids are home and it's time to be together. Writing is good..
