SSMGuy is shying away from things which might be characterised as "forceful" which is why I used that word about his wife. I know it is an extremely fine line to tread but there is something about a guy having, shall we say, single minded desire that is sexy. And I would even go so far as to say that many LD women are unconsciously turned off by the fact that their men are unwilling to be single-minded in their desire.
Some good friends of ours had a bickering type relationship where the W always seemed to know best. One day their cat needed to go to the vet, so the H (at his W's request) was trying to get the cat into its travel basket. The cat needless to say did not want to go in the basket. The whole time while the H was struggling to stay calm and carefully get the cat into the basket without hurting it (and getting all scratched up in the process) the W was standing behind him going "no don't do that, why are you holding his head that way?" etc etc. After about 10 minutes or so of this he could take no more and in the end he smacked her.
Now I'm the first one NOT to condone domestic violence. But I could totally see why he did it. It was still wrong but I could see why he did it. He should have just put the cat down and walked away.
Now if we think of the cat as the state of the M right now, SSMGuy is doing his best to get the M fixed, his W meantime is nagging away and telling him he's doing it all wrong.
I don't think SSMGuy should get his wife drunk and throw her over his shoulder. The grown up thing to do is put the cat down and walk way.
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
