Regarding the time to enable my userid - no worries, I was actually happy to have the time to use to think through my post. If I had posted Friday night, I would have been saying, what do I do? whereas now I am a bit further along, however, I feel as if I might be holding onto a security that does not exist.
I enjoy lots of things - sports, travelling, collecting sports cards, operating my Ebay/Amazon store.
I will read the detachment and boundaries section.
As for the cake and eat it too - I forgot to mention, she wants the homemakers life from me and the intimacy from the online friend in California. It is something she has creasted and it makes her feel special at this time. I no longer make her feel special that way and now its too late.
She has told me she needs time to explore herself, including this relationship as she feels fit. At this point, there is no disclosure about that relationship as we are no longer married in her eyes.
I shared this site with her on Saturday and it caused us both to be in synch with each other as it defined what I had done and how she had felt.
In summary, I spent the last 10 years going to bed hours after her and taking care of my needs after working. I recently fulfilled a number of financial goals and entered this year with a need for something else in my life - I had needs that were not being met either but after taking care of myself for so long, I had neglected the needs of my wife.
Add to that, a sense of narcissm where the world revolves around me and I can be a toxic person at times.
My wife separated with me as she felt it was time to end the disappointment and the hurt associated with telling me there was a problem followed by a short duration fix followed by disappointment - over and over.
I was so wrapped up into wanting to end my day alone that I failed to see how I was treating my wife.
When she told me the other day that every night she went to bed feeling "unwanted" I was shocked and told her, "I didn't know". She followed that up with - "no, you didn't care". I cried long and hard after that because she was right.
I have qualities that I like and ones which I do not like so its not all bad.
