Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[flowmom]

I am[/b] - and I believe most men are - attracted to strong, confident women. For me, I look for that along with the increasingly-rare attribute - and gift - of femininity.

newmama, I agree that most men look for the above. But I also believe that once in an intimate R, strong women can be a problem for men that have unresolved issues with their mothers. I have definitely have my faults, but I've noticed that even after 17 years, H often projects "stuff" onto me that I can only assume come from his experiences with his mother. Most modern men haven't had positive role modeling from their fathers of how to love and share a life with a strong woman. Not saying the above applies to you Gardener, but I think that there are a lot of gender dynamics that are still being worked out in modern Rs.

When male vets suggest to the women "this is what worked for me"
I think, yeah, because women won't fly off the handle if their estranged H dates, they will just feel territorial and curious!They will be reminded that their H is desirable, and the act of dating is "confident" behavior. But men would want to kill the other guy and then their egoes would be crushed by their W (right?)I do not mean this to sound sexist; but there are some clear differences between the sexes.


I have run into several female sitches where we are afraid to NC and date for fear of pushing WAH away/into D.

I think you make a valid point newmama, and I think that this is one of the areas where we might want to be careful about how WAH/WAW strategies might differ. My own experience is that when H and I started out our relationship, it was a long-distance open one (not my first choice, but there were reasons, long story). Although H's other R was was very intense and messy, he had a lot of trouble handling my comparatively much more casual "interactions". Even he recognized that he had a double standard and I think that's partly why he settled into monogamy by choice. BTW, that is ancient history (15 years ago).