I think what holds me back is fear. This is not my first trip around the marriage merry go round. This time, though, I thought I did everything right. And in the end, it wasn't enough.
That being said, part of me is deathly afraid of getting out ther again, and I think that is why I held out for so long. It was an excuse not to have to date, or think of the possibility of dating. When you get married, you don't want to date. I didn't. But I also realize that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.
If SG would come back right now, I would probably still try. But there would still have to be some strict guidelines set, and he would have to move to NY from TX eventually. I don't know if that will happen, and the probability is low. And if it does, it will almost probably be at a time when I am really done.
I really thought this was it, and I would be married forever. I guess God had other plans!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
