I need some advice.... I am going to try and get with a lawyer this week otherwise next at the latest. Any of you who have been through a divorce, any advice as to what to do...don't do?
I've been told try to be as organized as possible, with all documents needed prior to the meeting to cut down on meeting time as they are expensive.
1st meeting, about an hour, should equal rate. For example: Rate = $300/hour, consult x 1 hour = $300. Some will negotiate, most will not. Beware of a 'bargain', there is no such thing as a free lunch. There is a script, and a packet with a bunch of junk to read. Sorry, I'm in a bad mood, it's actually quite well-planned out, and if you LISTEN carefully enough times, you could teach a class on it. A mediator can help you understand the forms just as well...is that an option? Otherwise, welcome to the D Train.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
I haven't yet...I'm now thinking we may be able to do mediation...has anyone had experience with this? Might save us a lot of money.....Regardless still using the same firm.
I wouldn't recommend mediation. Divorce is business, let the professionals handle it. Don't string things out too long, as H will become more selfish as times go on. Don't talk to H about D stuff, let your L handle it. A fair agreement is one in which both partners feel screwed -- sad but amazingly true.
In my case, H wanted to do as little as possible even though the D was his idea. Shocker!
Anyway, I hired an attorney--my retainer was $3200. Don't know if that's good or bad for Iowa, but my sister who is a lawyer referred me to him and I trust her.
So basically, the attorney and I drafted the service form that you initially give your spouse saying you want a D. I served him myself but if that doesn't work for you a sheriff can do it.
For the intial write-up, I needed to supply the following info:
My birthdate and social # His bday and social # Our childrens bdays and social #s Date and location of our wedding (city/state) Current addresses for both of us
I think to actually serve him, that was all the info they needed.
Then for the petition, I met with my H at my kitchen table one night. I had already written my list of 'needs/wants' and true to form, he came with nothing.
So we reviewed what I had, made a few adjustments, and then I took our plan to my attorney. He revised a few things per the letter of the law/guidelines, but basically my draft became what was called a "Stipulated Decree".
It took one meeting with my L to write it up, and then they emailed me the official version. I printed it off, my H and I both signed and notarized, and as far as I know the judge was to sign off last Tuesday. We never even went to court.
So in my case, start to finish, it required only 2 face-to-face meetings with my attorney, one to draft the initial service and one to review the agreement Dan and I wrote up. Then I stopped by to return the signed service notice and I stopped by again 2 weeks ago to drop off our signed Decree.
Don't know if you guys could do that or not, if things are too tense in person you may need another plan. But it worked for us and now if he b!tches down the road, I can say, "You were there, you helped write it."
Bobbi - Thank you VERY much, I've been looking for someone to break down the process (as it will vary from state to state I understand) but I've never done this, don't know what to expect. This was extremely helpful!
If it only took two meetings and some paperwork, you should be entitled to a big chunk of your retainer back.
I anticipate that! Actually my atty, Rob, told me when I delivered him the signed Decree to wrap things up, "You know, you basically negotiated your own settlement. And you did a really great job."
That's pretty cool! My H agreed to give me:
25% of his bonuses for the next 8 years, unless I remarry first
Alimony = 20% of his take-home pay for the next 8 years, unless I remarry first
Neither of things were legally necessary, but HE offered them...so I took them!
Nik if you want a copy of my 'draft' just so you know what bases to cover (holidays/visitations/insurance/mortgages/etc) I can email it to you...
Shocker! 
Actually my atty, Rob, told me when I delivered him the signed Decree to wrap things up, "You know, you basically negotiated your own settlement. And you did a really great job."