#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[flowmom]

Thanks for the support friends.

is it grief about your child or WH?

WAH...waves of sadness at the loss.

about discussing dating...it could be part of your boundary definition during separation. You ask
(brainstorming here)
"so, are we choosing to date other people during our separation?"

he says blah blah "why?"

you say "I thought you were implying that you might date so I wanted clarification on what we were agreeing to do during our separation."

then you drop it/change subject.

I kind of like that idea. I'd be curious to know what the DB coach would think about it. Although, I already basically kind of did something similar about a month ago, right after he moved out (because of him telling my friend that he wanted to date, which I'm sure he knew would get back to me). I said "if we are dating, I want to agree that our children are to have no contact with the date-ee without notifying the other parent". He looked shocked. I don't know if that was shocked because I might have seemed like I knew that he was already dating (if he was), or if he wasn't ready to start dating, or if it introduced the idea of me dating. He seemed really uncomfortable and said he would get back to me about it, and never did.

[newmama]

I don't know if that was shocked because I might have seemed like I knew that he was already dating (if he was), or if he wasn't ready to start dating, or if it introduced the idea of me dating.

I think he was shocked because you introduced the idea of YOU dating!

Hmmm...so does that count for your discussion or is that too sneaky? I mean do you need to know for sure that he is dating? Does he need to know for sure that you might?

[flowmom]

Hmmm...so does that count for your discussion or is that too sneaky? I mean do you need to know for sure that he is dating? Does he need to know for sure that you might?

I guess it counts. I dunno if I did the right thing being proactive in bringing it up. I guess I felt that it was already on the table indirectly, and the only way for me to deal with it was confront it head-on with him. OTOH, it could appear that I have given my blessing to him dating, and I don't feel good about that.

[Kalni]

flo,
I think you H has his eye on someone and he was testing your reactions... I wouldnt be surprised if he is already in an A with someone (if you said something about that I mssed it, sorry).

99% of the stories here involve OPs, full blown affairs, emotional affairs, old flames, etc etc. 80% of these R as I read are not viable. Men tend to keep the door open to be able to come back when they feel like it. Apart from your emotions (I know not something you can overlook), the existence of an OP only affects the timeline of the sitch, IMO, if you play your cards rights meaning letting go completely and moving on.

I dont want to sound harsh but be prepared for news you wont like at all.
K

[flowmom]

H's parents send me flowers . I phoned MIL the other day to reach out to her...didn't talk about H at all, just wanted it to not be wierd between us. I guess it meant a lot to her. MIL probably won't tell H that he sent me flowers so I guess he'll just have to wonder . I am so lucky that people do care about me even if H doesn't.

[Ready2Change]

Db the inlaws!

I sit with my inlaws at my kids sporting events. I Db my ass off!

[flowmom]

I think you H has his eye on someone and he was testing your reactions... I wouldnt be surprised if he is already in an A with someone (if you said something about that I mssed it, sorry).

Very possible. Very hard for me to accept.

99% of the stories here involve OPs, full blown affairs, emotional affairs, old flames, etc etc.

Yeah. It blows me away.

the existence of an OP only affects the timeline of the sitch, IMO, if you play your cards rights meaning letting go completely and moving on.

I'm trying to come to terms with that. Reading other people's threads is a real eye-opener, that's for use.

[flowmom]

Db the inlaws!

Can you explain what you mean by that?

[avermont]

Hey Flowmom-

Just checking in on you. I'm sorry to hear about the waves of grief--they do suck something awful.

I don't have any advice on the dating question you are dealing with now, but I wanted to let you know I support you whichever way you decide.

Yes, so many of the sitches here are so unbelievably bad--I do sometimes help my own grief and pain by realizing how much WORSE it could be.

I hope your GAL'ing activities helped today.

I tried something new! Waxing my legs! It didn't hurt near as bad as I was afraid it would!

I know leg waxing is no cure for those horrible waves of grief, but at least I could blame the tears on the pain from the waxing!

We're here with you!

[Vulcanized]

[quote=Kalni]I think you H has his eye on someone and he was testing your reactions... I wouldnt be surprised if he is already in an A with someone (if you said something about that I mssed it, sorry).

Very possible. Very hard for me to accept.

Sorry, flowmom, I kinda agree w/Kalni on this one. And I know how much it sucks to want to work things out, while H wants to cat around.

99% of the stories here involve OPs, full blown affairs, emotional affairs, old flames, etc etc.

Maybe that is why I'm currently a little jaded.

the existence of an OP only affects the timeline of the sitch, IMO, if you play your cards rights meaning letting go completely and moving on.

I'm trying to come to terms with that. Reading other people's threads is a real eye-opener, that's for use.

It's tough, for sure. My self-esteem has taken a mighty beating over H's A. But now I'm in a place of just moving forward. Maybe it's the end of H & my road, or maybe it's just a fork, and we'll meet up in the future. But right now, I'm walking alone.