OK, let me lead you a bit, since we're of the same mold.
Originally Posted By: newmama
WH:How did S sleep last night? Is he feeling better?
Answer Option #1 - Fine, and Yes.
OR
Answer Option #2 - Y dont u leave the tramp, come home, kiss my as$, and find out for urself!
Seriously, your goal is what I am doing now. Answer when spoken to (nicely), and only initiate conversation when it has to do w/kids, house, logistics... Then, BREAK IT OFF!
I'm not sure if I can tell how it is working, as H is sick right now (wah wah wah), and he's, for the most part, a crab. And, guess who is not offering meds, info, etc... My only piece of advice yesterday. "You need to go to a Dr. for that." (I was tired of all of the questions, and questioning my answers... probably trying to get under my skin for lack of talktalktalking...) He did go to the Dr, and, yes, he has strep throat, just like S12.
GOD HELP ME!
This am, he's crabby, as we had to drop off my car to get get fixed. We're riding together, alone, in his car, and he's attempting conversation after shooting a few minimal zingers... He finally says, "Don't you have any response?" Me, "No, I'm sorry, did you say something? I was thinking about something." Him, "Nevermind!" Then, he was on to another subject, and I just sat there minding my own business, offering only a brief response.
We get home, and he attempts to get me to play a game of backgammon w/him. Me, "OH, I'm sorry, I have to get to work right away this am."
He's not loving this, but not sure if he gets it, or is just now fogged over w/strep fog!
So, my long-winded chatty Kathy response is... you're on the right path (thinking).
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mindfull, VERY GOOD JOB!!I have been trying to avoid sharing trips together in the car to prevent myself from having to tlk to him! The car rides are tough.
And I am sure he is noticing...but it will probably take a looong time for it to sink in.
I have a q- what are you expecting/wanting to happen as a result of limiting conversation? What do I expect/want?
Just wondering how we will measure whether we are achieving "results." Haven't thought that far ahead!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
wait...do we want them to engage in more attempts to get our attention? pursuing behavior? through their love languages?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Believe me, I am not age-ist and if I do get divorced, will open my "pool" to men in their 40's...BUT NOT younger than me! Good!
My mom has told me that sometimes when men hit their 50s (NOT IN YOUR CASE, Gardener!!), they "resign" to an "old man life" and act older than they are! Aahh, what does she know? I don't know if this is true but it made me laugh when she said it. 50 is the new 35, right? :-) Nope. The new 50 is 50 (or 56, in my case). Personally, I feel as young, strong, vibrant, etc. as when I was 35 and in a couple of ways even moreso. True.
It only gets better. Besides, we all kinda forever remain who we were at about 18, deep down, dontcha think?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Realistically, I'm expecting to feel better because I'm not "feeding" a person who leaves me "starving," anymore.
hey, this sounds like a goal for YOU!! gooood point...this is what will help us detach, right? just trying to make ourselves feel better without regard to the H? I'm getting it...
it also is focusing on the present.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I have a q- what are you expecting/wanting to happen as a result of limiting conversation? What do I expect/want?
becoming less available therefore more desirable (esp. for us mothers because our Hs get so much access to us because of parenting)
projecting that you have better things to do and doing them (too busy to talk because I'm GALing!)
avoiding conflict
Last edited by flowmom; 02/08/1008:29 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Cutter, good for you for going 7 years older than yourself! I am open to nice 39 year olds as long as they move to my state, LOL!! But need to see this M through first, sigh! (LOL!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I don't know if this is true but it made me laugh when she said it. 50 is the new 35, right? :-) 
