Neutral is how I aim to be - Doesn't always work but I try - When my family tries to pull me into their drama I always respond with I am Switzerland and walk away - They hate it.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
well, from what I have seen, your H has shown that...but obviously not in the way you want it. So be more specific because that is very vague.
I say that he has been showing you that, because he's constantly asking you questions following you around, etc. To me, that sounds like he wants and needs your input.
So what specific things can you list that you want H to do?
I remember listing "eye contact from H" that was when it was really bad.
how about, hug, told I look nice, clean the dishes, etc.
and I think it would be a great idea to go here and have him take the test...just 25-30 short questions
or maybe while sitting at coffee one day, just tell him you want to do a quiz, print it out before hand, and start asking him the questions. then go check it out online later. don't even say what the answer is unless he asks. I think he'll be real confused at that. lol
don't ask him to read the book. he's like my H, there's no way he'll read it,
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Neutral is how I aim to be - Doesn't always work but I try - When my family tries to pull me into their drama I always respond with I am Switzerland and walk away - They hate it.
almost reminds me of the movie I am Legend only in this case ... I am Switzerland ....COOL!!
I get it that I fulfill some need in him to communicate. I get it that he wants to communicate w/me.
He does this stuff, AFTER, mind you, (some examples of little zingers):
-- As we're walking in the auto shop to drop my car, H - "You could have just told me it's at the corner of x and y, I would have figured it out." (I had told him to call me when he gets close, as it's a little confusing where this place is, and he's not familiar w/area, and is not exactly patient...) Me - NO RESPONSE REQUIRED
-- In the auto shop, Me - "Should I have them do an oil change while they have it?" H - "Well, I have NO idea the last time you had one, since you never have had them reset the warning lights. How can I answer that?" (We discussed this one other time - they can't reset the warning lights because we didn't have the full service done - H didn't want the full service done.) Me - NO RESPONSE REQUIRED
-- Last night at dinner, tasting dip that I made (usually LOVES it) H, "Oh, good the parmesian dip!" (tastes it) "You always have to change things! Now, it's too strong!" Me - "I've used the same recipe every time. It must be you."
-- Last night at dinner, tasting white chicken chili (that HE requested) H, "This tastes NOTHING like it did last time." Me - NO RESPONSE REQUIRED
Now, mind you, he is complimentary, kind (most of the time), etc... but who is like that? He's seen me in the kitchen for almost four hours cooking. Trust me, it is enjoyable, but it's not a party when you're in there four hours... And, I'm not even going to comment on the car thing. I mean, isn't that a guy thing? ALWAYS HAS BEEN! I don't know!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
This beacon of light, welcome place to come home to, smelling good, boobs lifted w/a new bra, hair blown straight like he likes it, slender jeans, cute blouse, kids w/clean faces, home shined, and in order, clothes cleaned and where he needs them, dog puffed and welcoming, appropriate enjoyable activities planned...
WIFE - AND - HOME
... is tired.
Oh, and did I mentioned EMPLOYED! And, a SINGLE MOM most of the week!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mindfull, you are sounding like Kara's first post on her latest thread! I read it last night! I think she said something like she was tired of DBing, and was just going to do what she wanted. And I don't remember the latest but her H moved out 10 days, came home and now they are...?
My point is you have reached your point of detaching, methinks!
And yeah...your H sounds like a grump but his critical comments (almost passive aggressive) seem familiar to me...my WH!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
This beacon of light, welcome place to come home to, smelling good, boobs lifted w/a new bra, hair blown straight like he likes it, slender jeans, cute blouse, kids w/clean faces, home shined, and in order, clothes cleaned and where he needs them, dog puffed and welcoming, appropriate enjoyable activities planned...WIFE - AND - HOME
Do you see that crap up there in RED?
OK, let me explain... (because you sometimes feign ignorance)... ALL of that stuff up there is good. It makes you shine... but the motivation for them is NOT good. You are doing all those things for HIM. That's the wrong reason. You do those things for YOU because it instills a sense of pride and makes you feel good.
Let me try another way of saying it: MF you are doing all of the above with EXPECTATIONS... and as thick headed as he is... he seems to know it. Although it IS the right thing to do... you may need to 180 on some of the above.
How long have you been doing all of the above? If it has been for longer than a month then perhaps its time to cut off the "clean clothing for him" and the four hour cooking of his favorite meals. Do you see how you are STILL rewarding him? And how you are being "slapped in the face" for doing that?
Keep up the looking attractive part... but for yourself this time... and because it makes you feel better.
Would like to see what anyone else says about this.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
From a practical standpoint, perhaps the improved diet has changed his sense of taste. I know that when I'm on a health kick I'm super sensitive to salt and sweetness. Things may taste different to him. That's not to excuse his rudeness!
I understand being tired. You've been DBing your ass off for a year. Time to do something different. I think you're ready for a serious talk.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Hey sorry to interrupt this channel but could someone explain to me in a short paragraph what has been going on for the past year. There is so much on this thread and I did read it all but I am confused about what is really going on in 50 words or less.
