It's hard to believe we can do this for so long isn't it? If someone would have told me a year and a half ago that I would go through this and survive it, I would have never believed them. I also don't think I would have believed I would forgive it either. But, here I am....

Today is a rough day. H very depressed today. The weight of the consequences of his choices seem to hit him harder somedays more than others, and this seems to be one of those days. We discussed AD meds and he is still feeling quite strongly that he wants to do everything he can not to take them. He said he is worried about the chemicals in them, and side effects etc. He seems to be feeling very hopeless, though.

So, the trick for me is not to jump in to fix and rescue. So, how do I be supportive without doing that? I am finding it so hard. And, detaching is still so hard for me. I am very down myself today, and I know it is, in part, his mood effecting me. I am really trying to work on the detachment. I wish I knew some "trick" to make that part easier.

It gets too easy in these moments to wonder, "am I ever going to be truly valued, wanted, pursued?" I know this M is worth fighting for, I know my family is worth fighting for. But, days like this are so hard.

Anyway, words of wisdom, 2x4's, pretty much anything welcome today... frown Just need something to hold on to, to see some hope.

I will be eternally grateful I have had this place and you people to turn to during this time in my life. I truly do not know what I would have done without you. I still don't know what I would do without you... smile