Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

I've never felt helpless about anything until THIS. At times, especially lately, I wonder if I should have been more needy----asked for more help from H, rather than do it all on my own----maybe he would feel needed.

I do come here to vent about my situation, because to the rest of the world I need to be anything but helpless. Am I the pillar of strength and happiness on the outside----probably not since I feel like I'm dieing on the inside, but far from helpless. DESPITE this----I don't act miserable in front of H, with the exception of the first day or two after I get an e-mail asking for D.

I am not perfect. I know my faults. I've enumerated them many times, and shared them with H---which I know was anti-DB as well. I KNOW I could do better if given the chance.

I put my ring back on to focus. I know that H has noticed. I think this has pissed him off----but I don't care. He was unable to sit with me for S11's bb game Saturday. He walked up to the top of the bleachers where I was, as if he was going to. Stood for a little while and then walked back down. I later offered to help retrieve one of OUR vehicles from the service station (he had asked D16 to help, but she was busy and told me that it was stressing her out). He declined----but then I've declined his help with anything, so probably deserved that.

He has pretty much cut off all contact (again choosing to communicate through the kids), most likely waiting to hear from my attorney.