how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

LOL. i'll get right on that, OTM. i've always wanted a peace prize!

i actually did tell him the other week at lunch that i've been reading a lot and it's helped me understand a lot more about myself and made me feel like our situation isn't completely abnormal and that a lot of other people go through these feelings. i've talked about how it's made me see myself differently, as well as our R and M, but, nothing seems to have sunk in with him just yet.

did just get a text from him that he felt scared and alone and that he didn't understand his feelings or what the source of the pain he was in was. he said his mom suggested seeing a new IC, so i just said, i'm sorry you feel that way and maybe seeing someone would help you sort those feelings out.

some of my interactions with him are not typical DB stuff, but like someone said here to me, you have to tailor advice to suit your situation because everyone's is different. and in all honesty, my H isn't the type of person who would respond to me going completely dark and not responding to him at all.

he's even said he doesn't feel like i am pushing him at all, so i'm almost starting to think that he's just in that overwhelmed place that he goes to in his head when he doesn't know where else to go. and i hate seeing him feel that way. i know i can't worry too much about how he's feeling, but i was born with a swollen empathy gland and i don't like to see ANYONE hurting and i always feel compelled to help. i know HE is the only one who can help himself and all i can do is pray for him and just continue working on myself, but i can't bottle up that feeling of wanting to be there for him, despite the fact that my heart is broken into a million pieces.