My H, wanted to drive off of the overpass more than once. He may still feel that way, IDK. And yes, nothing in his life that is unfixable other than MLC.
Going dark, while hard, may be necessary for you. At one point, in order to make it harder for me to contact H, I removed him from my cell phone. Then I had to type in his number, which meant I had to THINK before I did it.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
A few days ago I told my XW that I knew she had to be hurting. She calmly told me that she did not feel any pain at all.
I asked her how this was possible and she told me that she guessed that it was because she stopped loving me so long ago that it did not bother her to tell me.
That hurt and I backslid by asking her I guess but I found it amazing that she seems to have no emotions at all about her divorcing me. Surley she had to have felt something.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
I am sure she did. But her depression won't let her "feel" anything. She is covering up her pain because she doesn't know what to do to make it go away. She is still deep in replay and it is way too soon to expect too much else.
Did you read the resources? what are you doing for your GAL activities?
Yes I read them. Just not sure which parts apply or do not apply to my Wife since she has gave me almost zero feedback since the bomb and divorce.
Trying to do whatever I can do to GAL that I can think of. Hard to do with my current lifestyle of working nights and on weekends though.
Spent some time with my Son this week but this is getting rarer since he is a 20yr old in love with a College girl. Seems she is stealing my Son away from me LOL. To be expected.
Brother bought a boat for this summer so I look forward to GALing on the two lakes we have here. Spending most of my time with them at the moment. Lord knows my pale white skin could use some sun since I am a night owl.
I also spend time with a female friend when I can. She is not a GF and she is having some issues similar to mine. We support each other and chat but thats it. Only two dates so far.
I did try one of the dating sites and feel pretty strange about that. Tried emailing two perspective dates and never heard a peep out of them. So Im not having much luck on there. Wanted to test the waters but it seems the water there is a bit on the cold side. Why do these women put themselves out there for dating and then ignore men who want to date? Makes no sense.
Seems they all want to date the "nice guys" which fits me to a Tee yet they will not respond when a nice guy answers their invitation. Very frustrating.
Probably for the best though as I have only been separated for three months and divorced for only two weeks. Im probably just looking to fill a void. But I do not see anything wrong with that.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
You might want to read the post of HeartBlessing on my sich. Your W is a year younger than mine and more than likely in a similar state. I know you are D and I am not saying anything will change but I am sure your story is not done yet. You need to give your XW space to finish her journey and make yourself the best option when she gets out of her crisis. Even if she chooses to remain D then you have made yourself a better catch for someone else.
Im probably just looking to fill a void. But I do not see anything wrong with that.
Take your time, if you recognize you 're trying to fill a void how can you say you see nothing wrong with that? If you see a void you fill it. Don't do what they do. You work on you.
You are responsible for filling that void, no one else but you.
Originally Posted By: g450
Probably for the best though as I have only been separated for three months and divorced for only two weeks.
G, Give yourself some time to heal from the break up of our marriage. The void you are trying to fill cannot be filled until you have healed and are content w/yourself. No one can make you happy, but yourself. I do believe you realize this and are most likely looking for company along the way.
As for your former spouse, again, the divorce is so very new and right now, she's on an euphoria high and it's going to take about 6-12 months for her to come down from it. Once she does, she's going to start realizing that life isn't so grand as she thought it would be. As to whether she'll want to have a relationship w/you or not, time will tell after this period of "high".
Be kind to yourself, plan some activities that will keep you busy, physically and mentally, catch up w/friends and family that you've not seen in a long time and continue to post.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks OP. I plan on reading your entire sitch as I am always interested in sitchs similar to mine and try to learn from them.
Trapt and Snodd, I know what you are saying is true. But I sometimes feel like I will never be able to fill that void and my fear is that I will feel this way for the rest of my life. I will be completely honest, the thought of this possibility scares me to death.
I see people that post here years after their divorce and they are still in pain. I do not want to be like that and like snodd mentioned, I want company on my way to where I need to be as in my mind this would speed the process up. I do honestly have a lot of love and affection and I can love another person. Even in the state I am in right now.
But right now I feel like my void is the Grand Canyon in the winter time.
I have been GALing and spending time with family etc but at the end of the day I still feel empty and very much alone and abandoned no matter what I do.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
g, My xh has been gone for 10 years and I have been divorced almost 8 years. I feel at peace w/myself and the faith that I have about my situation has never left me. I knew that no matter what happened so long ago, I would be fine. If you will allow your friends and family to be there to support you, lift you up when you are down, you will be just fine. The void and the fear that you are speaking of will go away in time. Put your faith in God and allow him to do his work on both you and your wife.
As I always say here, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. Turn your fear over to God and allow him to help you carry your burden. BTW, in time, you will find plenty to keep you busy, i.e., winter tends to get everyone down, but spring is around the corner and there will be plenty that you can do in the evenings.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
