S&A, I get what you're saying, but I think I've actually been doing that for the past 10 years or so, even without realizing it. On my own, I decided that it was silly to keep focusing all my attention on W and F, to the exclusion of anything for myself, so about 10 years ago I started building and flying model airplanes. This gave me much joy and feeling of accomplishment, and it continues to do so to this day. It also proved a way to meet other men and develop outside friendships. I also brew my own beer, and in '07 I took on another lifelong dream and made a violin from scratch. These activities are not shared by W, but if she chose to take the slightest interest, even peripheral, they could add to our R and improve our sitch. However, she sees these more as a threat to the status quo rather than as added interest and new things to talk about. Anyway, I'll consider looking up that book...
Not sure how many folks here will recall the movie "Shirley Valentine", it's a very old British comedy about a woman who's dissatisfied with her marriage and her life in general, who goes on a holiday to Greece. I actually think of it as a tragicomedy, because in the end she does find happiness, but it's because she decides to stay in Greece and leave her husband. Anyway, early in the movie, when she's just planning her getaway, she spends time explaining her dissatisfaction to the camera. One thing she says has always stayed with me - she says "It's not that he's a BAD husband, he's just no bloody good." That pretty much sums up my own feelings about W. She and I saw the above movie on TV many years ago, early in our marriage, and she found it quite funny. I might use that line in our C sessions, with explanation for the C, and I'm quite sure W will get the reference...
