Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

I thought you congratulated me on finally reallizing that I needed to seek legal council? That is what I am doing.

I am VERY independent, but ALWAYS have been. I took on everything at home while my H went to work----that was everything, cooking, cleaning, shopping, plumbing (really----changing faucets, drains), electrical work (put in new light fixtures, switches), etc.---everything on my own. H went to work everyday. I took on everything else. All the while taking care of the kids (3 in 5 years) and running them everywhere. I also worked for him and his law firm, other law firms from the home. I have NEVER been a helpless, boo hoo kind of person. I was unhappy. I had nothing for me. I have worked on this----but very rarely have the time to actually DO anything. I know what I need to do and do it when I can though.

I have taken very hard looks at myself. I know what I did wrong, how I looked at things were wrong. I didn't appreciate his need for a life outside our marriage/family. I didn't have one, didn't think he needed one. I am doing my best to find time to do things for me now. I've done my best (when given the opportunity) to make it known that I appreciate what he does for himself. Most of the things that I have identified that I did wrong, I don't get the opportunity to show that I've changed.

I found a full time job. I am now fully employed, and doing it all at home now too.

While he has been gone I haven't asked for anything. I have given all that he wants --- as far as scheduling for the kids and his space. I have made it known that I still considered the house OUR home and invited him to stay for meals, and invited him for anything family related. I haven't asked for ANYTHING from him but answers. AND I know that was wrong to do. In response to e-mails (E-MAILS) about divorce I gave in to emotion and blamed him for putting us in this position and what he was doing to our kids and our family---YES, I know that was wrong, but too late for that now. I've begged for another chance.

Tell me. What am I to do. It seems to me that giving him his divorce now is all I have. This may be the only thing I can give him to show that I am different----and no longer begging for that chance.

Please. Tell me. What should I be doing?