I've not read very much of your sitch, but certain things stand out:
(1) A marriage that's been sex starved for years.
(2) You do all the romantic work in the relationship, your wife does zip.
(3) I'm only guessing here, but I predict you work very hard, keep your wife and children in all the material comforts they want? Do you do lots of housework? Are you constantly thinking of "the clincher", the action that will truly demonstrate to your wife what a great guy you are? And will make her love and be attracted to you?
(4) Your three adult children all still live at home. A side issue, you may think, but IMO part of the overall picture of the kind of life and relationships you have created for yourself.
You have Nice Guy Syndrome. Right now, you should forget about your marriage - mediocre though it undoubtedly is - and start working on yourself. Get No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover - today - it will be the best $10-15 you've ever spent. Get it. Read it. Then post again.
I look forward to hearing from you.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
