No I don't know the guy. The 1st affair was not physical as he lived several states away. This one is a different guy, and I don't know who it is and I do not know whether or not it is physical. I want to find out, but I know it really doesn't matter. He is not better than me, just different.
Right now I am just trying to get my head straight for the trip home this week (assuming this snow lets up and my flight is not canceled). This weekend will determine a lot. I am going to tell her that I will not give her space just to run to this other guy. I am afraid it will not go well and that will be the end. I know that "it" is a fantasy, but darn it, it is a good one.
At this point I am looking at the worst case scenario: She has not worked in 13 years so she can't afford jack squat if/when I cut her off. If I got the kids, then I would not have to worry about child support and I would know that they would not have to drastically change their lifestyle. I checked the "child support tables" for my state and if she got the kids (which most states seem to do now) she would get enough to pay the mortgage and utilities. Nothing more. As far as alimony goes, I don't know, but I know she would have to get a job and be dead broke.
I know she knows this, but she obviously is not thinking right now.
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
I just realized that I will be home over Valentines day. Great, a no win situation. If I get something, then I will be pushing; if I don't, then I will be insensitive and pulling away.
Do they make an "I would love to love you if you were not being so STUPID" card?
I was thinking about not wearing my ring when I get off the plane. Overkill or not?
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
New thought...you might want to be ready for any situation, and be ready to be that calm, controlled, loving but not pursing (etc) person.
If she doesn't want to spend any time with the OM, nor does she call him, this might be her way of saying she's reconsidering. If she calls him, she might just be saying screw off. Who knows?
Just be careful not to be mean. The easiest way for us men to protect ourselves is by distancing or forcing distance. Valentines has a lot of expectations. You posted back as soon as you noticed the 14th, so it sounds like you have expectations, too. Will it hurt that she probably doesn't want the love/sex all night long?
One thing that shocked me was that when I touched my wife as I spoke, she felt connected and was much calmer. Just saying...if she wants the touch and you do too, it might be an excuse to open a locked door. Is that what YOU want this weekend?
I'm vacillating between doing nothing and something insignificant. I also thought about going out to dinner but not mentioning it at all.
I also just thought that I will need to make sure that the boys each get their mother a card. Maybe I will just have them give theirs to her and let it be.
Mountain,
I am never mean. I don't yell. I don't lose my cool. In our relationship she is the Romulan and I am the Vulcan. So much so that I have contemplated being mean and showing my anger as a potential 180.
I have to go into this weekend with negative expectations so that I will not get upset and hurt. On one hand I would love it if she made an overture, but at the same time it would really screw with my head (do I deny her and set her reeling, but thinking that I may have someone else so it is ok to continue doing what she is doing; or do I go with it knowing that it may be her attempt at reconciliation, but also could be her attempt at pacification).
I know I am over-thinking, but this is how my mind works.
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
You are over thinking because this is how your mind operates. Concentrate on the small stuff instead of dealing with the larger issues at hand. It is a defence mechanism. And if you helped your boys get her a card every year tell your oldest that he needs to go spend some money on mom this year. If he is broke. Give him 5 dollars. Then thats that. 30 seconds and done.
Else you just using your boys to purchase your wife a gift.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Great points. Thank you. I do have them get her cards every year so I won't stop that, but I will just take them to the store and tell them to do it.
I don't know what is small stuff and what is not. I feel like being in my head is the safest place to be at this point. Not that it is different from how I normally am.
Me 36 W 40 S 13, 9, 7 ILYBNILWY 2-08 Discovered EA 3-08 Reconciled 7-08 She says she's been faking it 11-09 She wants to separate 12-09
